GENERATIONAL TRAUMA

Generational trauma is a topic that is very sensitive for me. I think the awareness of it has heightened within the black community and its something that needs to be addressed. Now that I have my own child I often think about what he will take from me and pass on to his own children. Generational trauma makes me hyper aware of each decision I make as a mother.

From what I remember I had a great childhood. However, there are a lot of behavioral patterns and mental disorders I am now having to unlearn & break apart 27 years later. Now is a time where us parents have much more modern access to information regarding health and raising our children. This is also a time where old school child-raising methods are now lost and the simpler ways of living have disintegrated. I am painfully caught in the middle. Raising Phoenix, I try to take what was sturdy from my upbringing and mix it with modern practices I’ve picked up since becoming a parent.

Two things I will be sure to ingrain my son :

  1. To not be afraid of his feelings. I will always be open to him appropriately expressing himself without shutting him out. My generation of men are all emotionally unavailable because they were raised thinking they had to be STRONG and HARD to be a man. They were raised thinking it wasn’t okay to cry, even as young boys.

  2. To follow his own path. My generation was raised to

    • Graduate highschool

    • Pick a college & career path ( at age 18-19)

    • Graduate College/Find a Career with your degree

    • Meet your significant other/Get married (around age 24)

    • Buy a House and have kids (maybe a dog) travel if lucky

    • Die

Literally these are the typical expectations. I will give my son time to figure out who he is. I will allow him to actively explore the opportunities life has presented him with. I will encourage him to travel, for the love of his life could be on the other side of the world. I will assist him in finding his true passion so that he isn’t aimlessly wallowing in depression and self defeat a majority of his twenties.

I will get to know my son for who he grows into. I will not try to vicariously live through him and force my wants onto his life. I will not alienate him. I will place him into the world with the right mental and emotional tools.

Its so easy to get lost in this world. Generationally, we are taught to be “strong” ignore the pain that comes with this life.

I will teach him new strength.

These pictures are of Phoenix and his cousin Kylie. The future.