NAIL APPOINTMENT TURNED THERAPY

My nail techs name was Krystal and she had a calming energy. As soon as she began on my nails, she seemed really sure of herself. Usually at nail shops you can tell a lot about the owner by the way the nail techs interact with you. Ive been to nail shops in the past where nail techs aren’t appreciated, don’t get enough breaks, and do mani-pedis from the moment they arrive to the moment they leave. One reason I love my nail shop, is because the mood is always pretty upbeat and the techs seem genuinely happy to be at work. One thing I struggle with finding, is a nail tech who isn’t afraid to take risks and try different designs and give their own opinion and flare.

I was pleasantly surprised with Krystal who got my shape perfect and was giving me input on which colors I should use for contrast purposes. At first, I felt like she was rushing, but she told me she’s done nails for 11 years and prefers to move quickly. I love a nail tech who allows me to relax and trust them with my vision. Anyway, we began to have a conversation about children. She asked me where my baby was and told me she remembered me from the last time I was there. (I see a different nail tech each time, they’re all really good at this nail shop.) I asked her if she had any children and was surprised to hear that she didn’t. Almost every nail tech Ive ever had has multiple children, unless they’re really young. They always ask first if you have children and mention family or a husband as a conversation starter. Little did I know Krystal was about to teach me a few things about her experience in Vietnamese culture.

Over the course of 45 minutes, she explained to me that she moved away from Vietnam with her husband many years ago. She said she didn’t have any interest in having children, because she never got pregnant. She began the conversation with saying that children were too expensive, and that childbirth takes a toll on the body. She also had reservations about how long you have to be responsible for your children. I could tell there was so much more to this, but I just let her speak. We made eye contact often as she vented to me about her perspective on parenthood. After she gave me a list of reasons she “didn’t want” kids she then expressed to me that they had been trying for a long time but a baby never came. She told me she was 38, and that she felt her time had run out. She said that in Vietnam where she’s from, a woman who has no kids is deemed useless and a disgrace. It was wild to me that we were having such an intense conversation with a major language barrier between us. I understood everything she said even though her English was broken.

I asked her how the Vietnamese families feel about women who simply cannot have children, and she responded “they think- bad human.” She suggested that they feel you’re cursed and have nothing to give as a person. I could see the hurt in her eyes as she continued on with my nails. She told me her husband had no desire for kids or even a pet, but I think this is his way of comforting her. This conversation really put things into perspective for me. It made me realize how much women outside of the United States deal with in their own cultures. It made me think of how much work they would have to do to get as much “freedom” as we have here. Freedom is a really hard word to use because thats not what we have, maybe privilege is a little more fitting - I don’t know. Mentally, I was in shambles when I left the nail shop. There are so many layers to femininity and womanhood.

I felt grateful, to be a mother and experience such a blessing. I felt sad, that she may not get the chance and has convinced herself she does not want children in order to deal with the disappointment. Sad that Vietnamese women are under such scrutiny if they don’t want kids. I reassured her that, there are hard parts of parenting. There are some days you wonder what life would be like if you didn’t have a child. I reminded her of all the things her and her husband don’t really have to bother with as a couple with no children. I reassured her that its okay and normal to not want/ or be able to have children. She thanked me for our conversation and that was that. A therapy and self care session for us both.