WAYS TO START SOUL SEARCHIN'
I’ve been receiving a lot of DM’s lately about self love and soul searching. People have asked me where to start and for advice on finding ones true self. This made me feel inclined to share more about my journey, just in case there are more who wonder the same. I think it’s really sweet that people think I have my shit together. I am deeply flattered to be trusted with such an intimate topic by another woman. Really I am just existing and constantly learning like everyone else. Most times, I do connect directly to my wisdom. But at other times, I have to acknowledge and sit with my ignorance. A big lesson I’ve learned as of late is that you cannot put any human being on a pedestal, because we are all wildly flawed beyond our imaginations. What I can do is share how I got to this point, and how I’ve arrived at a chapter of my life where I can trust myself and those around me. In this post, I will go into detail of the responses I typically send to those who ask for this type of advice.
Soul searching for me was a very lonely process. Soul searching was mainly about solitude and shedding the layers that didn’t belong ; to reveal the true essence of myself. It’s a journey beyond everything you’ve been conditioned to believe. Soul searching and self care are best friends. Metaphorically, soul searching would be the cloud, as self care is the rain. The cloud is traveling & reshaping on an endless journey. While the rain sprinkles over your life and assists in your understanding and maturation.
Here are some ways to embark on your soul search :
Remove unnecessary people from your life - Anyone who makes you feel competitive, less than, disrespected, unhappy, bored or any negative emotion that disrupts your way of life - simply let them go. You will never meet the people truly intended to love you, if you don’t make room. This will be so hard. You may be emotionally connected out of habit and time, but you have to release those not meant for you. Lovers, and friends as well. Give others a chance to find their people.
Find out what your morals and beliefs are. What boundaries do you have as a human being? What are the things that make up your character ? - Answering these questions will decide what kind of people you want around you and provide clarity of the type of person you want to be. It develops a true understanding of what you do and don’t appreciate. For me, I like consistency. I do really well with people who keep their word.I prefer people who have great communication skills and are upfront. Honesty is a big thing for me. I don’t tolerate people who can’t healthily navigate my sensitivity. What are your deal breakers ?
This one is going to sound cheesy, but it’s so real. Knowing/Raising your worth. What makes you a valuable person ? What are you good at ? What skills do you have ? Are you intelligent ? Healthy ? What do you have to bring to any table ? Sometimes as human beings we can be really entitled. We consider ourselves a GIFT to people. But are you ? I realized during my soul search that I really wasn’t the shit like I thought I was. I was selfish, and I was defensive. I was smart but only about certain topics and points of interest. I began to take my health more seriously, physical and mental. I started to prioritize reading and studying different things. I talked to people more, like REALLY talked and absorbed information from them. I began to speak more intelligently and carry myself with more dignity and honor. I traveled more and got really into planning my trips. I started to dabble in different art forms to see what I’m good or suck at. Now, I can honestly say that I have something to give to those around me - whether that be advice or good company. Be able to hold a conversation with people of all ages and creeds.
NEXT - Address your physical flaws and the things you’re self conscious about. This one is self explanatory. If your confidence is low, take those steps to building that by taking care of yourself. If you think you’re fat, work out. If you don’t like your hair, change it. If you wish you dressed nicer, begin. If you hate your teeth, get braces ! Change whatever it is that you don’t like about your appearance, because ignoring it won’t make it go away. At least this way, when you look in the mirror and think “I hate my stomach”. You can follow with “BUT I worked out everyday this week and in no time ill be snatched.” - There are things you cannot change (very few things these days.) But you will have to come to terms with those and work with what you have.
Understand how short life is and go after the things you want. I think a lot of people are “waiting for the right time” or think that they have so much time to do things. But at the end of the day, life is extremely short. If there’s something you want to do, start taking the steps to do it because before you know it, time will pass you by. In my experience, having my son really made me put my plans in motion. Once I had him, it made me realize how much free time I had BEFORE he arrived.I can’t stop wondering wtf I was doing with all those extra hours I had. Don’t go to work and then come home and not do anything for the rest of your day. Use that time to work on something beneficial !
When it comes to LOVE or a significant other. NEVER SETTLE. What you want is out there. Don’t let people tell you that your standards are unrealistic. There is someone out there who can fulfill most of your desires. Save yourself for someone who respects the way you want to be loved. When you meet said person, you will know if they are worth sticking with through the hardships of life. Who you share your intimate life with is so serious. You naturally pick up on the habits and mindset of the life partner that you choose, so be careful.
Be stingy with your time and energy. If something does not resonate with you or what you believe in, DON’T DO IT. If you don’t like to go to clubs, politely decline when your friends ask. If you like to club, go live your best life. Preserve yourself for higher calls of action. Do not wastefully leave yourself available for things and activities that you don’t enjoy or find value in. This is a slow road to living a life that does not align with your destiny.
I could go on and on and on about this topic. This is something I’m really passionate about and I want to help people get over that hump before life ends. Some people never make it over that hump, you know? They go their whole lives wondering what life would be like if they booked that one way flight to another place. They go their whole life married to someone they don’t even like, because of fear. Fear of reality and fear of growth. I love that beautiful moment when someone bursts out of that mental and emotional cage to see true freedom.
A major part of soul searching that no one discusses, is that it is SAD, it is so sad and depressing sometimes. It’s scary to feel like you’re starting from scratch. There to face your trauma, and your own messed up ways without the rescue of anyone. It’s intense and it makes you feel naked. There is so much love and acceptance from yourself and others once you pass your own personal tests. You are able to do things with love and less hate. You’re more willing to give than take because you have trust. You experience more joyful moments because you are open enough to do so.
Have you ever soul searched ? What was your experience like ?
Let me know if you have anything specific you’d like to discuss about self growth and journeying.