HOLIDAYS AREN'T ALWAYS GLITTERY

Growing up holidays felt like an enchanted time filled with family. I remember the excitement of linking up with my cousins and eating good food. The decorations, the music, the laughter - it was like just for that day everything was alright. My granny’s house was often our last stop because we knew we’d be there for the rest of the night - at least until midnight. Once I sensed the adults packing up or seeming ready to go begun the process of convincing my mom to let me spend the night with my cousins. She usually said yes. This was a time of catching up and a comfort of existing in whatever state life had brought us to. As an adult, I now understand the comfort and the warmth that the holidays brought. I understand now the importance of that consistency. Thanksgiving and Christmas was like a day that it felt like everyones birthday. A joy that is shared in effort and much preparation. A communal luxurious time filled with so much energy. The energy of audacity, looking good, seeking advice, showing off a new person you’re dating. Everyone seeing a new baby who’s just been born, and giving each other gifts - seeing each others reactions.

Now it seems that over time - death and growth have shifted the ways that holidays feel for me. Or - maybe as an adult I am more aware of the many truths of life that take away some of the holiday glitter that existed for me as a child. As families experience death, and then feuds, and loss, or separation - as more children are being born and families are breaking off into their own things change. As the pandem*c has shifted us into homebodies who are prioritizing individualized wellness and feelings of introversion. As - togetherness can seem like a threat to health - AS everything has seemed to burn itself to the ground and begin anew (so much) in the last five or so years - it all feels different to me.

As a mother, I am creating traditions that are realistic for Phoenix. I want all of his holidays to feel glittery like mine used to. I want him to get everything on his Christmas list. I want him to anticipate the food being ready as he awakens to the aroma of my offerings. I want him to look forward to it all. I am intentionally looking for ways to extract all the good things from holidays amid extreme capitalism and family drama which are both mildly inevitable. I recognize that my holiday does not have to look the same as everyone else’s and that I can customize our experience. Overall, I just want love, abundance and contentment over the next two months. How are you feeling about the holidays this time around? I think it is okay to reflect on some of the non glittery aspects that festive times of the year may bring. It’s also necessary to be honest with yourself and others about how you want this time to look.