MELANCHOLY FRIDAY x PREGNANCY REFLECTION

Today I am feeling a little put off. It is the weekend and pay day but I cannot shake this rut I am in. I was looking online at this bag I want to buy, but was being indecisive as hell about it so I gave up. Recently, I did one of those “ask me something” buttons on Instagram and it was really interesting. I would love to be more of an open person, so I thought that would be a small way to start. It seems that people are most interested in my experience with pregnancy-motherhood/having a family.

In answering the questions related to pregnancy I realized how much I don’t remember about being pregnant. My experience wasn’t that long ago, but a lot of it seems like a big blur. Also the first four months of Phoenix’s life are kind of a blur too.

Honestly the brain fog just went away a few months ago. There was a long time where I just forgot a lot of things about myself. Like, what kind of music I like or what my favorite snacks are. I didn’t realize how actually disconnected I was from myself for so long. I really wasn’t interested in fashion or excited about clothes. I think I was so focused on growing and learning to be a mother that I subconsciously pushed my interests to the back of my mind. I didn’t have a big preference about anything having to do with myself.

Side Note : As I am typing this Phoenix is on the other end of the couch laughing hysterically at his show. This is new. He now knows what is funny to him and finds things humorous. Before he would kinda just gaze at his shows but now he has an understanding of the shows plot and a real human reaction to it. That is WILD to me.

Anyway, Now I have such a preference on things that didn’t matter for so long. I think when I have my second child, my experience will be a little less shocking to my mind. I will know what to expect to a certain extent. I think I will read less and obsess less over baby information and try to be more present mentally. Maybe this fog cannot be avoided, but I think I can be tapered.

This picture was taken by Troy, he took a picture of the sunrise while we were in the car. I was asleep and when I woke up, he’d sent this to me. This is the abstract romance that I live for.

Im gonna go clean. I hope all is well with you guys and that you have a refreshing weekend. Spring is amongst us.