NIPSEY FOR THE CULTURE & MELANCHOLY VIBES CONTINUED

This week was my first time actually being “sad” this year. Sunday, Nipsey Hussle was shot and killed and it effected me in the darkest way. Celebrity deaths usually don’t have this big of an effect on me emotionally. I think maybe considering his significant other made me sad. He was only 33 years old, and he had kids. To me, it seemed like they were getting right where they wanted to be as a family. They were just starting to be acknowledged from all the silent moves they’d been making. They just did a FLAWLESS GQ SPREAD promoting black love. Couple interviews, and rumored to have gotten married low-key and out of public eye. They just moved so gracefully which is unexpected from superstar rappers & actresses. You could see how much they loved each other and how happy they were. I can’t imagine experiencing such a loss in the midst of a winning season. On Monday when I woke up and remembered he really died, a dark cloud was over my entire day. I could not shake the feeling I had. It felt like I’d lost a friend.

A few weeks ago, I was at work listening to a bunch of his interviews on Youtube to pass time and he really inspired me. I remember telling Troy about the knowledge I took away from him. Not even a month later, gone. I never really listened to his music, but his interviews were such a gift to me. Him, Two Chains and 21 Savage are so good at interviews and articulating life in such a relatable way. I wasn’t the same after listening to his words, he made me wanna go harder and follow through with my endeavors. His death was a reminder of how fragile life is. It made me feel guilty of thing things I take for granted and honestly just made me feel robbed, unsettled and scared. I had to take some time away from social media because his face is everywhere. The headlines were too much. I am obviously not the only one who is mourning this tragedy in this way. In general a lot of my worries and anxiety come from fear of time, his death placed my fears at my feet.

I am glad I got to see him in concert twice. He just had so much heart. I feel like he was a sacrifice for our generation and for black culture. I know I wasn’t the only one taking notes from him and I’ll forever be grateful for his knowledge. In one particular interview, he talked about how one should take the time to figure out who they are. Get to know yourself relentlessly, find out what you believe in and then live and die by that. These words really stuck with me and have been all I can think about.

This week having some time away from social media has allowed me to monitor my emotions closely. Ive been a little more present at work and at home as well. Last week, I did a pretty good job at eating clean, resting and processing thoughts. Sometimes I forget how simple life is until I take a break from social media where I am overexposed to so many things daily. I do really like social media, I love the creative space and platform. I get a lot of inspiration from Instagram but, I also think its easy to forget your perspective when you are constantly absorbing everyone else’s point of view. A break here and there allows you to come back to yourself for a moment.

Today is one week since he was killed, I am feeling more accepting. I hope this week feels lighter and more positive, Im sure thats what he would want. What is your relationship with death like ? How do you mourn losses that are near or distant ?