BOUNDARIES AROUND "CHRISTMAS"

I’ve been in an uncertain place about holidays this year. Being aware of the true meaning of holidays at a time where I want to be aligned with my own culture is tricky. My three year old is understanding holidays and festive moments. I’ve been battling between keeping the joy, but acknowledging the defective history and capitalism connected to Pagan holidays. I went back and forth - debating on if I wanted to get a tree, and just how far into ‘celebrating’ I should go.

Honestly, I could do without the tree and the gifts, but I still want Phoenix to have some of the same memories I had as a child. I was raised Baptist Christian and began to lean more into spirituality in my early 20s. My mom no longer acknowledges Thanksgiving/Christmas, but when I was a child she decorated and prioritized a festive environment for my brother and I. We always had many gifts and Christmas was a major deal. I am trying to find a good medium for Phoenix.

Last weekend I decided to go ahead and get a tree. He is really excited about the tree when we light it up at night. I put some ornaments we’ve collected over the years onto the tree. Yesterday, he stood next to the tree and said “Ho Ho Ho”. I was shook because Christmas is already on his mind, he has been introduced to the theme from the shows he watches on his iPad. He’s exposed to the colors and the decor everytime we go to the store as well. I’ve come to realize that in some ways Christmas is inevitable, and we all get a taste of it in some way.

I must admit the tree does add a joy factor to our home. I went with a very small and minimal tree. I think I will get him a few gifts, but not go overboard. I don’t want him to get too hung up on “Santa” or presents because everyday truly is Christmas for my son. He gets everything he needs and most of what he wants all year. I want to remind myself that the holiday is what I make it and not to feel guilty for doing whatever I choose. This is the first tree we’ve had since he was born. This year has been fun because he understood it was his birthday when he turned three. He had a blast on Halloween with his costume, and he is already in the holiday spirit for “Christmas”.

I was talking to a close friend who was raised Jehovah’s witness. They said that their mother didn’t celebrate any holidays, but that the exposure was present with school and regular life. They said that they were interested and felt left out in school settings without being able to share the same experiences as other children. They encouraged me to do whatever I want to do. I think this was the moment I began to consider giving Phoenix some exposure to the holiday. My mom has suggested celebrating the seasons, instead of the specific holidays, which I think is a marvelous idea. I am also interested in studying more about black holidays such as Kwanzaa and incorporating those traditions in our household. I will most likely incorporate Kwanzaa by keeping an abundance of fruit on the dining table as well as in the kitchen. I’ll also get some Kwanzaa decor from the local Pan African store (support black businesses) and speak to the owner for historical direction.

There are so many decisions to make as a parent, right ? How do you feel about the holidays and how much should be exposed to your little one ?