DESIRE FOR NEWNESS

As Q4 comes to an end I feel the need to welcome more originality to my life. I’m an individual of habit who enjoys a mundane system throughout the week - and I’m looking to change that this season. I find it interesting how the culmination of many tiny details make up who you are. Your personality, beliefs, interests and desires are influenced by life’s features. Many of my favorite things have been my favorites for so long that it seems like I’ve fully ingested whatever this “phase” is. Many of my short term goals have been accomplished and it’s time to be open and receive. I am allowing myself to enjoy where I am but also welcoming change that stimulates. This is also an interesting sentiment to reflect on because I consider the shifts that may benefit my son as well.

(A side note on openness and receiving: For some time, I’ve used privacy as a way to protect myself from others. People who I feel judged by or people who don’t value understanding someone at their core. While introverted-ness creates space to grow and learn - it also cuts you off from some levels of joy. Openness is tied to bravery and honesty and exposure. These are the levels of being that I hope to reach in the years to come through practice and trial.) 

I get like this at the beginning or end of everything, but a new year is easily the deepest replenishment. I love a fresh month, I love a fresh school year. I enjoy a clean slate and an opportunity to explore new narratives. A place I generally begin is getting rid of what isn’t working before I incorporate added objects and ideals. This is my season of throwing away things we don’t use and questioning the worth of my habits and fixations. Simple approaches look like creating new playlists to listen to when I’m in the car. Switching the purse I’m carrying my things in or eating something outside of my primary grocery essentials. I wish I had the bravery to do things on a more permanent scale like move apartments or get a tattoo. The last HUGE change I probably experienced is getting a new dog last spring. I’m talking about things that are bold changes to your everyday life.

I was explaining to my braider that when I feel the need to shed energy, I usually take my hair down or change my hairstyle. You may wear the same set of braids for eight weeks and if you experienced a lot or traveled a lot - that hairstyle holds all the zest of your awarenesses. All the hard conversations and tears of joy or sadness. All the bodily fluctuations and mental animations are held in that hair or hairstyle. As soon as you take it down and switch to something else - a new version of yourself is born. I love the power of newness and the propelling into undiscovered layers of self. It’s like changing the furniture around in your room to evoke an enchanted revival.

This approach to thoughtfulness feels less about goals and more about mortal quality. It feels like spending time thoughtfully. Purchasing thoughtfully. Eating thoughtfully and a behaving thoughtfully. I hope this time of year is bringing you so much fruit. I really am becoming a more grateful person. Realizing my blessings and not taking them for granted is a huge lesson in my life right now.

C. xx