AN HONEST 50 QUESTION INTERVIEW WITH MY GRANDMOTHER

What is your name and age?

Joyce Watson Brown and I am 83

How many children did you birth?

Seven (Four Daughters, Three Sons)

What year were you born?

1941 – a lifetime ago.

How many grandchildren do you have?

(12) Tasha, Joshua, Jeremey, Kortne, Jacob, Chloe`, Two, Milan, Sadie, Myhaa, Yulasha, Bryce <3

How many great-grandchildren do you have?

(10) Jayden, Jordan, Josh, Baylor, Brooklyn, Camari, Kylie, Kannon, Phoenix, Sara’Myhaa

In the photos I’m sharing with this interview – you are surrounded by your grandchildren of various ages. You appear to be genuinely filled with contentment. What are your thoughts on the implication that children are “stressful”? How did you source joy amid your responsibilities as a mother/grandmother?

I missed out on raising my three eldest children. I swore that the rest of them I would enjoy – nurture them and be happy with them. As long as they obey.

Another thing to note about the images is that all the children look happy. Happy black children is one of the most beautiful things to me. Their laughter and the visual aspect of them seeming comfortable feels warm. What is the key to the satisfaction of children?

Loving them. Showing love. Nobody can have enough love. There’s no such thing as too much love! I made sure that I held them and kissed them and put them on my lap. Even though I knew my parents loved me I didn’t come from a house where love was demonstrated.

What is something you inherited from your mother that you see in yourself, your daughters, granddaughters and great granddaughters?

All of them are loving human beings.

How does it feel to have created all the people who surround you in one room?

I am grateful. I’m thankful and I’m proud. I have a love for y’all that is beyond your comprehension. Maybe one day you’ll understand when you’re a grandmother.

I have watched you read and write. There have always been stacks of novels on your nightstands. Lists on the back of mail and receipts. You’ve written me beautiful birthday letters. I’d watch you complete crosswords in the newspaper growing up. Explain your relationship with literature and script.

Reading opens whole new worlds to you. Reading combats loneliness. Reading helps if you’re stressed. I must have lists and keep up with what’s going on. If you’re talking to someone in your family – when they mention something you want to remember you can reference it later if you write it down. It’s a way for me to keep up and express myself.

Did you have siblings?

Two older brothers. Two younger brothers. I had two sisters when I was a teenager, getting ready to leave home almost.

What is your grandmother’s name? What did you call her ...? How was she?

My grandmother’s name was Edna Mae Varner. She was .. really ahead of her time. She left Louisiana when my mother and her sister were teenagers. Why she left her husband behind I don’t know. But she moved to San Diego with her two girls. I called her Granny.

What city and state were you born in?

I was born and raised in Houston Texas.

How would you describe your ethnicity? You have the fairest skin of us all.

My grandmother was white passing. She may have been mixed. It’s something that wasn’t discussed. Back when I was a child, you didn’t discuss those kinds of things. We weren’t allowed to ask questions. I wasn’t granted that privilege. Your generation is very lucky to be able to ask questions.

What is your fondest memory?

The earliest memory I have .. is .. I loved Christmas. I thought tire tracks on the driveway was from Santa’s sleigh. My two older brothers – those dirty dogs they said “That ain’t no sleigh. That’s tire tracks!” They showed me the presents in the closet. They were ruthless! Even then – I was very kind. My parents had no idea that I knew there wasn’t a Santa.

Is Christmas your favorite holiday?

My birthday is my favorite holiday! That’s how self-consumed I am (laughs) !! Christmas has evolved for me. When my children were young, I enjoyed buying them things and seeing them open it. Now Christmas is different. My great and grandkids’ parents buy them everything! They don’t wait until Christmas to get what they want. It’s Christmas every time they open their eyes.

What three words would you use to describe your mother?

Strict, Good Cook, she loved dressing me up – buying me clothes and taking me to shop.

and same for your father?

Kind, Quiet, I was the apple of my daddy’s eye (loving warm tone).

What did you aspire to become as a little girl. Who were you influenced by?

I never had any notion of what I wanted to be. All I knew is I just wanted to be grown. My sense of independence came from my grandmother. I admired her for striking out on her own. My mother was a stay-at-home mom. She never had a job a day in her life. Women with children going out working was frowned upon. My mother is from Louisiana and my father was from East Texas. In that era, that reflected a man. If you weren’t a professional ... a nurse or a teacher or some other professional type of woman – you stayed home.

You were/are a very stylish person. What are three pieces of clothing that were most valuable to you throughout your life? What were your favorite brands throughout life? What textures called to you? My love for gold, leather and denim come from you.

Yes. I love all three. I wasn’t confined to brands. My eyes told me. I guess it was within me. Even before I could afford nice things – I recognized nice things. I knew a leather purse from a pleather purse. I would save until I could get a nice pair of shoes. I’d get pairs that could serve many different occasions. I had a fondness for sling backs. Sling backs was my thang. I was a hope to die dresser. I had some green snakeskin boots from Neiman’s – they were showstoppers. I love color.

There are a lot of words I could use to describe you. Independent is one of them. How did you master the art of providing and making it look graceful in the process?

Necessity. As I got more education... my job was a sense of pride. I had a great sense of pride when I went to nursing school. Because I knew I could be financially independent and that put a new step in my walk.

A piece of advice you’ve given me that I return to often is... “never respond or react to something too soon.” Where does this derive from?

Past experiences where I spoke when I should have kept my mouth closed. Let some things be a surprise! If you talk ahead of whatever action you’re planning – people can plan around you. It’s like that saying, “Never let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.”

Regarding love and romance – what advice would you give to your 20- or 30-year-old self?

Love yourself. That entails: if you learn to love yourself, you don’t need anybody else to validate you. I’d also say love should not depend on looks.

What are qualities you would go back and tell yourself to look for in a partner if you could (in retrospect)?

You look for sincerity, someone who compliments you and if they contrast you – then make sure it’s in a harmonious way. Remember, everybody is not lucky enough to have a lasting love.

What is the best thing about men and what are the worst things about men?

The best thing about men is their ability to make you feel cared for. On so many different levels. The worst thing about men is the men that don’t want to be fathers but are fathers. When they don’t accept that role and carry it through as they should.

What are your thoughts on hoe phases? Do you know what a hoe phase is? Explain your views on sex

I had one of those seasons and I enjoyed it!! (we laughed hysterically). I loved doing just what I wanted to do. Everybody wont admit that (another deep laugh). People want to pretend that they’re so pure. My thing was – if the men can do it – I can too!

What do you have to say about the stigma and negativity of being a single mother? A “baby mama” as people call it.

I never felt any stigma. I never was ashamed that I had children and didn’t have a husband. I was proud of all my children and loved my children. I see now that some of it was foolishness (laughs). My kids had more than some of the kids who had both parents living with them. They had more and they did more. You must have a certain mindset… It was never a concern to me. I had a rough time in parts of my life... But - I really didn’t give a fuck about that. That was the least of my worries.

What is a piece of advice you would give to a single mother?

At all costs. Get you some education or some training so you can get a job that can take care of you and your little family. In a style that regular people do. You can’t buy them a father, but you can give them nice clothes, nice education. So that they can live their life in comfort... Just because they don’t have a father in the house doesn’t mean they have to go around eating inferior food. I always wanted my children to have the very best that I could give them. Don’t live your life with regrets. If you’re so inclined – keep the door open for a good man if that’s what you’re interested in. Don’t say no to love.

“Whether you’re with Sunny or not have something of your own.” This was my sister-in-law telling me something about her brother. That’s women looking after women.

I remember The Isley Brothers and Johnny Taylor playing often. Music and the large speakers along the wall of the living room – music felt like an integral part of my upbringing in your house. If you can – could you share your 3 favorite songs of all time?

Johnny Taylor (loving tone) everything he opens his mouth to sing! The Isleys – Summer Breeze was my favorite. That was romance because Jasmines are one of my favorite flowers. I used to have them growing outside of my bedroom windows. In Louisiana they’d have Jasmine’s growing outside their homes. We’d sit on the porch...(nostalgic warm tone). Groove With You and Who’s That Lady. That was how you clean the house. Johnny Taylor “Just Because” .. “Last Two Dollars”.. “Disco Lady”… “You’re Getting Careless With Our Love”.

What is the key difference between having a son and a daughter?

Daughters are a source of comfort. Daughters, you want them to have the very best out of life. You want to be financially independent. You want them to be wise in picking a mate and be well groomed. Enjoying nice things and enjoying wearing beautiful clothes and accessories. A boy is so many things. A boy is that one something that can make you feel more special than any girl every could. I sound facetious but that’s the truth. Boys.. men.. that’s what everybody’s interested in!

What are your views on marriage? Have you ever been married?

I’ve been married several times. If you get somebody – it doesn’t have to be a burning love. If you find somebody you can get along with and communicate with. If you can be respectful of each other .. you’ll be fine. But if there’s some kind of strife. It’s not worth it. If you’re not evenly yoked. There’s no point.

You’re an amazing cook – and an amazing baker. Where did your love for cooking come from? What dish do you make best? Who taught you to make tea and why was this a staple over Kool Aid like some black households?

As I grew to understand the nuance of Kool-Aid I couldn’t do it anymore. At home we only had iced tea in the summertime. It was one of the most refreshing drinks! Over the years, I’ve perfected it. With cooking – as time evolves and you continue to cook, you change the way you make things. My best dish is beef roast with potatoes and carrots. My love for cooking came from me liking to eat. I’m greedy and I like food that tastes good. My mother was an excellent cook.

Why is Crown Royal your favorite spirit to drink?

It is smooth. The smoothest whiskey I have tasted. When I was younger, I would go out, I’d drink Cutty Sark because I thought it “impressed” people. I like crown though because of the smoothness. Crown Reserve is really mellow – no bite to it. I don’t like drinks that are real sugary. That’s why I like crown and seven.

Do you have any regrets that you feel comfortable sharing? How would you rectify those regrets if you could?

The only regret I have is getting pregnant so young. I was sixteen. Other than that – I don’t have any regrets. I love the life I lived. I just truly enjoyed myself. I embraced life with both arms.

What advice can you share about health and its connection to a prosperous life?

Never smoke. Never take up the habit of smoking. Cigarettes are detrimental to your health. Drink in moderation. Eat in moderation. Have a healthy diet. If you make a habit and a lifestyle of health you don’t have to fall behind.

What are your favorite memories of being in love?

I think my favorite memory mostly was falling in love rather than being in love. It’s an exhilarating feeling. It seems like anything is possible. You just imagine yourself being happy and sustaining this feeling. And then you wake up to reality (we laughed together)

What were your terms and conditions on the acceptance of love and trust of a man to help you?

I would accept help but if you began to act like you owned me. (smacks lips) “You and your money can go.” I accepted help because I needed it. It all goes back to education. It’s much easier to love when you can take care of yourself.

Who was the easiest child for you to raise? Who was the most difficult?

Kim was my easiest child to raise. Karen was my most difficult. Well …let me think. When all is said and done yes. Kim was the easiest and Karen was the hardest.

What are your dreams like in your eighties?

I have the strangest dream. And frequently. I don’t know where I’m coming from. But in this dream, I always get lost. I’m walking down the street – it seems familiar and then suddenly its not familiar anymore. I’m in a maze trying to figure out where to go. I haven’t had it in a long time – but that was my dream for a while. It was in a business-like place. Maybe the medical center. Or downtown. We shopped downtown when I was a kid. This was before they had malls. In the dream, I’m always in a business like place. I always get lost. (At this time I googled dream symbols for her and read a few that may help her analyze her reoccurring dream).

What are some of the major changes that you find peculiar or interesting as you’ve witnessed life from the 70s to now – 2024.

Technology. I consider myself a smart person but I have not been able to master technology.

What is your favorite thing about being a black woman?

I think my hair. Its just the truth! (We laughed together)

How did your poorest days compare to your richest days?

I appreciated and treasured more in my poorer days. Once you can have everything you want, it doesn’t hold the thrill.

What financial advice can you offer?

Save. Learn to save. Don’t shop so much and get you some good insurance and save. Really honestly. Get you some good insurance. You’ll need it later.

What are some character flaws you wished you could have addressed sooner?

My fondness for profanity (cracks herself up). My love of unhealthy food. Get the insurance with the duck! It does everything. (I have no idea what the insurance with the duck is but she was adamant about that so I’m keeping it in the interview.)

You instilled confidence in all of us. What are your thoughts on the anatomy of a woman and ways it should be appreciated.

Be thankful for whatever it is that you have. Because beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. Some men don’t want a tall or short woman. Some men like curvy women. Somebody is going to love what you got! BUT when all of that fades away .. you still gotta love yourself.

What was I like as a little girl from what you can remember? Use three words to describe age 3 to 10 Chloe`?

Hair Hair Hair. More darn hair. SASSY!!!! (she tells a story about how it took multiple people to comb my hair in one sitting)

What three words would you use to describe me now?

Confident .. Intelligent and a GOOD MOTHER.

What makes a “good life”?

Being surrounded by a loving family.

What did you love about being a nurse?

I enjoyed being a pediatric nurse more than any nursing I did. Because I felt like I was making a difference in somebody’s life.

Do you fear death?

No, I do not fear death (undoubting tone). Because I have an abiding faith in God. We all need to have something we believe in. I would rather have lived my life believing in God and finding out there isn’t one than not. Its important to have something you can believe in.