MASTERS DEGREE REFLECTIONS

For the last year and a half - school has been a major part of my life in conjunction with my habitual obligations. My mental output has gone from two hundred percent to seventy five percent in a tiny window of time! It’s been amusing to sit and relax for more than half an hour without experiencing the guilt of needing to do something. Sometimes I’ll just sit down and drink a glass of water or gaze around my room and think, “Wow! This is what regular life feels like.” This level of stillness feels larger than me. I recently realized that I’ve been in subconscious contemplation about what should take up this empty space. Consciously, I’m in a tranquil state and excelling at my routine with more intention than before. Doing ordinary things without rushing is harmonious in ways I look forward to further experiencing.

The distress that grad school inflicts onto your life is inconceivable. There’s always a deadline lurking around the corner. There’s always an assignment waiting for you after the one you just completed. Waiting for a grade and checking for it everyday feels like you’re holding your breath. There were many discussion posts and essays I typed drowsily after a long work day. I look back on memories of my son climbing into my desk chair asking me to make him a bowl of cereal. Now that it’s over - I truly have no idea how I did it. I am amazed at my ability to operate at such high levels of multitasking to get this done. Being in grad school, while being a high school teacher, while also mothering a first grader has been the most strenuous chapter of my entire adult life. I would even go as far to compare it to the same level of sleep deprivation I had when my son was born. Doing one thing at a time is my idea of luxury.

I will say that I grew a lot in this span of time. I complain less and look to solutions and completion first. My time management is superb. I only do things that I really love with my free time. One thing I told myself when I started was that I would still make an effort to travel and do things I love while being in school - and I did. I took my computer everywhere. I was at the airport doing work. At work doing work. At my mom’s house doing work. My time in school is not just a grey hazy patch. It’s a point of time where I was persistent in both exploration and concentration. I hold many beautiful memories from this chapter which shows me how balanced I can be.

I have been writing a lot and it feels good to return to my first love. I always say that when you’re a writer - you have to go away for some time and experience new things. I have more to share than I did two years ago. I look forward to the ways that my creativity externalizes itself. My brain is more efficient and my heart feels clear and satisfied. Teaching is more enjoyable because I am more knowledgable. Life is more enjoyable because I am more knowledgable. If you are considering going back to school and attempting a higher education - I would encourage you to choose something you really care about. In my most difficult and confronting times, my personal/professional desires are what propelled me forward.