ONE MONTH INTO SOCIAL DISTANCING

Having to social distance and really anything having to do with “corona” is ….so chaotic and so calm all at once. This has felt really political for me, and i’m not into politics. Weirdly, this all seems so familiar. The past three years in Oklahoma and accepting slow living, makes this experience a little easier. Less than three months ago, I was living somewhere far from my family and friends, and spent A LOT of time with myself. I grew so much in that three years. Now that I am back in Texas, I feel that I can make more intentional decisions and I trust myself so much more. Sometimes you have to sit still and let life “pass you by.” In reality, you are just GROWING. Nowhere to turn, and no real distractions.

Living in OKC taught me that the small things are really special. A cup of coffee, a phone conversation with a friend that I love. I fell in love with the farmers market, and supporting local businesses. My creativity spiked as well as my appreciation for health and nature. It was a 7 hour drive from Houston, so when I did get a visitor it was a big deal. When you do go home, people are very excited to see you. Being away from people makes them more appreciative of your company. I feel this similar way about social distancing, as I witness people reminiscing on social media. Now we are appreciating what was, because we are without it. Life is interesting. This feels really depressing but also restorative - I’ve been here before. For years and years at a time.

What is not familiar, is wearing a mask outside of the house, and seeing others with masks. There’s less interaction and an overall bubble of fear around everyone. I really am disturbed by the amount of discomfort others are feeling right now. I am also concerned about what the rest of the year will look like as we are not in control of time. But I am pressing forward.. I am letting myself feel sorrow when it comes, giving myself a day or two without social media or much interaction until I sort things out. Extending grace in this space is essential because we are all reacting to this in our own ways.

Poet ‘Cleo Wade’ Home Tour by NOWNESS

Since the move I can’t stay away from home tours on YouTube. There’s just something so special to me about peoples homes and how they create space. Here’s one of my favorites :

LIFE UPDATE + SOCIAL DISTANCING

In general, life has been amazing. I’ve had a lot of sharp ups and downs in the past two months, but it’s been everything I've asked for. I truly see the power of manifestation. My life is completely different than it was last year, because I took the steps and faced things I once feared to get here. I am finally settled into my new place and loving it. Moving from Oklahoma City to Dallas was one of the most challenging experiences I’ve ever had. Things are settling in and I’m getting an idea of what my new life looks like.

Teaching is becoming easier and easier as the weeks go by, and I almost know all of my students names by heart. My relationship with a lot of my students has flourished and I have begun to receive true appreciation from them. I will admit, teaching is way harder than I thought it would be. Its been a long time since I’ve done something challenging, so this is sometimes scary. I am the type of person who mainly goes after things I know I can do well, but being a teacher is forcing me to see where I fall short. Everyday, I have to work harder at becoming more of an example and professional.

Creating a home that feels like a sanctuary has also been challenging because I’ve had to take my time. I am deeply affected by my environment so its been hard here lately, as I save and budget for furnishing. I finally am starting to get the pieces I want, and create a home for myself. Lately, I just look around and feel so thankful to have moved somewhere this beautiful. I have a bigger kitchen than the last place, I have wood floors which was really important to me. I have lots of natural lighting and am in a pretty cool neighborhood.

Emotionally and spiritually I am strong. I’ve had to sacrifice a lot and operate quicker than I’m used to. I am well aware of what needs to be done for me to reach my highest potential, so everyday is a continuous climb to that. This chapter is mainly about alignment and organizing. My emotions are in check when my life is in check. I’ve gotten so much better with spoiling myself a little. I’ve been getting myself things here and there without feeling guilty for it. I no longer feel such big guilt when I treat myself to things I know I earned/deserve. Taking responsibility for my own happiness has been the best thing I’ve ever done.

The pandemic that is “Corona Virus” has been pretty surreal. It has given me time to slow down and organize, appreciate and center myself. I can only hope that this virus passes over without harming many more people and that they find a cure. I am doing my part by social distancing. We’ve been staying in the house, only leaving to go to the store for things we need. In general, we are home bodies, so we aren’t stir crazy yet. This time is being used so wisely. I’ve been able to catch up on my Refinery 29, Sweet Digs Youtube videos. I’ve been able to catch all the way up on my laundry. I’ve moved the furniture around a few times. I’ve cleaned my home from top to bottom multiple times. As you can see, I’m making time for LADYFOX and writing in general.

In a nutshell- life is good, but a commitment to doing the work. How are you guys doing in this moment ?

Podcast Interview w/ Charisse Kenion from BeautyMe Podcast

Here is a clip of my podcast interview with UK based Charisse Kenion. This interview meant a lot to me because it was my very first podcast feature. Charisse and I both write for AllThePrettyBirds, and I’m so happy we got to collaborate. Working with women of color is one of my favorite past times, because the conversation is always filled with kindred energy. In this interview, I shared a little of my childhood and how I was raised around vanity. We talked about the symbolism of smiling in pictures. We discussed self esteem and my post baby journey. This interview is full of gems and positivity. Charisse and I have never met in person, but I felt a strong connection with her the moment we spoke. If you’re into the history of beauty, makeup and all things WOMANLY, click here for the full interview, available on all platforms.

GRAND OPENING ON H.E.R. CURLS IN DALLAS TX ~

Last week, I got the opportunity to attend the grand opening of HER curls in Dallas, Texas. This was by far the coolest event I’ve ever been to. When I first arrived, my senses were all activated at once. There was beautiful art, a bomb dj and great drinks being served. There was also a tattoo artist, doing flash tattoos! The atmosphere was really inviting and I met a lot of cool people. This shop was pretty much a plant and art filled space, for the ultimate escape while getting your tresses nurtured. The hairstylist who owns this salon caters specifically to curly hair, and it’s something we really need as naturalistas and curly hair girls. I was glad to be invited and a part of such amazing vibes. Since I’ve been natural (almost 10 years), I’ve never been to a professional salon. HER Curls may be my first professional hair salon service. If you’re in the area - check her out !

29TH BIRTHDAY

This year for my birthday I really wanted to keep it simple.  I wanted to be surrounded by love and support- so that’s what I did. I spent some time shopping with my mom, which we haven’t done in years. I bought myself things for my new place. I splurged on items I wouldn’t usually buy for myself. I spent time with people who really care about me and are supportive of who I am. Lately, I’ve been receiving love and affirmations from unexpected people and places. A big part of my life now is accepting love in all of its forms – and believing that I deserve it. All my life I thought I loved myself, but I see now that I am just starting. I am just now coming to a place where I am in love with my total being. This is the most transformative space I’ve ever been in aside from becoming a mother. Creating a calm but intentional environment for my birthday has supported me greatly in this hectic chapter. I have so many things I manifested and hoped for the last couple years. I’ve accomplished so much because I made the decision to go after the things that I want. I am proud of myself and how independent I am becoming. 

Last night, we had dinner and drinks at The Americano inside of The Joule Hotel - downtown Dallas. Afterward’ we went to my house and had a few more drinks. I was happy, at ease – listening to my music, sipping wine. Surrounded by family and friends. It was lovely. This year I want to focus on giving myself the best things without feeling guilty for it. I want to be more decisive and start trusting my first mind. This is the last year of my 20’s and I want to wrap this decade up with grace and happiness.

HER MIND | HIS MIND PROJECT by Delicia Waller

This past December I had a beautiful recorded conversation and shoot with photographer Delicia Waller. We met downtown Houston at a warehouse style gallery. This was Delicia’s first time shooting with artificial lighting and in a studio setting. I was patient with her as she manipulated the lighting and floated about the studio.

The idea behind her mind | his mind is to create authentic conversation between herself and those she chooses to interview. I love shooting with Delicia because theres a certain intimacy and safeness she provides as a photographer. We listened to a playlist of mine as we shot. I wore a red dress I thrifted the day before, and for the second look I changed into one of my favorite tunics I’ve had for at least ten years. This shoot felt natural because I was home, we could hear the city and traffic as we shot. In the beginning of our interview, you can hear us being interrupted by the train - which was beautiful in its own way.

After the shoot she asked me a few questions and we shared laughs. Creating with women is one of my favorite past times.

Here is the link to her project and some of my favorite images from the shoot.

THE BLACK PROJECT by Jakian Parks

“The Black Project” is dedicated to black history month - curated and shot by Photographer Jakian Parks. This is one of the most amazing shoots I’ve ever been apart of. Jakian has a way of pulling people together in an intentional way. Being around other young black creatives was a beautiful experience, because they felt like family. I had never met any of them, but there was an instant connection between the six of us. Something I really admire about black people is the way that we accept and invite each other so easily. Culturally, it is second nature to feel at ease and accepted around black people you’ve never met. To be able to laugh, compliment and share knowledge with them was a real treat.

Before the shoot, we had a styling session where we were all styled by Ariana, with clothes from the “Alt-Black” her sustainable fashion brand. She individually selected outfits for us in her apartment full of vintage pieces and accessories. I ended up wearing a champagne satin two-piece set. We all looked crazy, running around her house, brushing down baby hairs, picking out fros and all the behind the scenes stuff. All in all it was a black ass time. 

The shoot itself was beautiful, we shot behind a church and across the street in front of a school bus. People were driving by, rolling their windows down telling us how beautiful we looked. Jakian was even able to get a video clip of an older lady who stopped and shared a story on blackness and encouraging us to hold our heads high. The love was felt and really made the shoot an unforgettable moment. I thought it was funny that most of the shots are in front of a school bus, as I am a first year teacher.

Most of these pictures are of us mugging the camera. There’s an intensity and strength in all of our eyes. It took me a long time to realize that maybe my natural resting face is smug because of the journey of my ancestors. Many pictures that I take – it feels more natural not to smile. Maybe this is a defense mechanism and I feel the need to show my strength - more so than smiling and showing more “beauty” and happiness. Maybe I have been subconsciously protecting my happiness by not smiling. I think that from an ancestral standpoint, that my facial expressions and the way that I carry myself is the way my ancestors speak through me. This is why this shoot was so powerful, because naturally we all gave the same facial energy that was not prediscussed.

The Black Project is a representation of togetherness, protection and respect.

The film shots are by Kiki Mackey (@goodbyegraceland)

Voyage Houston Magazine Feature

My interview with Voyage Houston is now live. To read click here !

LADYFOX TURNS 1 !!

When I had the thought of starting a blog, I acted on it immediately. I was sure. Its in my pisces nature to start projects and not finish them which was a fear of mine going to blogging. I learned that when you are truly passionate about something, you’ll do what it takes to keep it alive. This is something that has been naturally consistent and healthy for me. Blogging has not only been a creative outlet, but has also led me to other opportunities that I could only dream of before. 

When I started I didn’t even know exactly what direction I wanted to go in. I just knew I needed to do it ! I am grateful for those who actually read my words. I am overjoyed every time someone tells me my words resonated with them or helped them in some way. LADYFOX was birthed to be a safe space for women, mothers and people in general. I feel really happy and proud to give back in this way. 

For those of you who have supported me, THANK YOU ! - so much more to come !!

artwork by : @handsomegirly

NYE + 2020 LIFE UPDATE

Here we are two weeks into 2020- and it feels unreal. The first month of the year is halfway gone, can you believe it ? The theme so far this year has been TRAVEL and CHANGE. When I look back at pictures from New Years Eve its like wow, that was two weeks ago and I already feel like a completely different person than I was in that moment.

For the New Year, we went to Los Angeles for a baby free trip. We met some friends out there, and rented a nice Airbnb. I was really intentional last year about how we brought the new year in. I knew I wanted to travel. I knew I wanted to really celebrate a fresh start. What I didn’t know when I planned the trip is that I would also be starting a new career and moving to a city. 

While in LA, we did some hiking. We did a little shopping in West Hollywood. We drove around our old neighborhood and ate at our favorite taco shop. When we lived in LA, it was prior to having a baby. We were young and free, working and having fun in-between. Living in Los Angeles taught me so much about life in general. It was nice to reminisce and channel the same energy from three years ago. I visited with one of my best homegirls on a Whole Foods date. I drove past where I used to work and it really took me back to that time. Troy and I spent an afternoon in Malibu at Getty Villa which was really beautiful.

On New Years Eve, I hosted an intimate dinner at our Airbnb, for a party of six. Initially, we had dinner reservations at a really romantic restaurant. We had a change of heart last minute to do dinner at home because we liked the Airbnb that much ! Most of my New Years Eve was spent running from store to store gathering all of the stuff we needed for dinner. I wanted to go for a very simple but romantic look for dinner. The theme was an all black dress code, so I chose to lighten things up with the table decor. Dinner came out great and we all enjoyed each others company. 

This trip was a great breather and opportunity to get back to myself and who I am outside of work, being a mother and my everyday routine. I enjoyed sleeping in, taking long showers and eating my meals slowly. I enjoyed wearing nice things and spending more time getting ready and feeling beautiful. Most of all I enjoyed making memories and deepening the bond with those that I love. 

Life has been hectic, beautiful, terrifying and just all of the THINGS. There has been a lot of decision making, time crunching and sacrificing. I’ve been pulling energy out of pockets I didn’t know I had. Im really excited to see how things play out in a month or so. Right now, I am most excited about living in a new space. I am excited to nest and make this place a home. 

I hope that everyone is continuing to channel that strong and motivating new year energy. What I’ve noticed is that each year, I get myself really revved up for the new year. Once it comes, if things don’t immediately take off the way I want, I get kind of discouraged and slip into place of pity and annoyance. I do this every single year. After two weeks of unnecessary wallowing, I realize that I am exactly where I need to be, and I return to that place of motivation. 

There are a lot of amazing things coming up that I can’t wait to share. Until then, enjoy these pictures from NYE, and our California trip ! 

MY EXPERIENCE AS A FIRST YEAR ENGLISH TEACHER

Where do I begin ? I’ve been manifesting this career for a while, and the time is finally here. For months and months, I daydreamed about how it would feel to be an educator and how my students would react to me. I would imagine how my classroom may look and what kind of open discussions I would have with my students. I really want to be that impactful English teacher that students remember well in to their adulthood. Im not sure how long I will be a teacher, but this is something I’ve always envisioned myself doing even in my adolescence.

The school I teach at is predominately black and hispanic. This was important to me because I feel like people of color really need educators of color. Educators who believe in them and who will have patience and a genuine passion to change their lives. All of my life, I’ve often been the only black girl in my workspace, but that has all changed. My principal is black, our librarian is black, there’s black staff and I feel right at home. I feel safe to express myself and operate at my highest level of knowledge. My students are beautiful. They are bodacious, they are raw and honest. I chose to teach high school because that’s a time where I struggled the most in school. I think if I had a cool teacher to look up to who really cared about my future, it would’ve changed my experience ! Students in high school need to understand their worth. They need help beyond standardized test preparation. I do see challenges with them in the future but I am excited to create boundaries and build a strong relationship with them.

My classroom is everything. The school itself is a very old building, which means I get big tall windows and all the nostalgic feels. I started decorating my FIRST day, I was so happy. The classroom is a true sanctuary. I look forward to the rest of the year with my students. I look forward to learning the ropes and becoming a better teacher. This process has shown me that I am the teacher AND the student.

QUEEN & SLIM INSPIRED SHOOT W/ JAKIAN PARKS

Troy and I had the pleasure to collaborate with Oklahoma City based photographer Jakian Parks. When he reached out to me about a Queen & Slim inspired shoot, I had no idea they’d come out this amazing. This shoot was special because we had a babysitter, so we were able to be in our zone. Jakians’ energy really shines through his art. He is creative, he is professional and a true effortless visionary. Shoots like these make me excited to show Phoenix when he gets older. My hair was really fluffy and we shot on an overcast Sunday. He also managed to get us this super cool car, the owner of the car was really sweet as well. This is the last shoot we may have in Oklahoma before we move, so its really nostalgic and sentimental.

WHY I CHANGED MY IG NAME - INTRODUCING DISCO CHLO

December is here in all of its ending glory. You guys know I love a fresh month, full of opportunities. Its already the 2nd, I don’t even know where the 1st went ! I am finally coming out of the shell I was in for a couple months and celebrating the birth of who I’ll become in this next chapter. At this point, I am preparing for a major shift, and I’m really excited. Everything I’ve worked for this year is finally paying off and I can see some real results. I realized that I didn’t stop and clap for myself enough this year. I really did a WHOLE LOT, and I am just now realizing it.

I feel that it is very necessary for me to be intentional about changing. I am holding myself accountable to transform into the woman I KNOW I can be. The woman I aspire to be is fearless, she goes with her first mind with confidence. She smiles deep from the inside. The woman I want to be dances like no-one is watching and is so focused on her own path, she hasn’t stopped to observe anyone else’s. The woman I want to be buys what she wants, without checking her bank app. She is happy and thriving in her profession and fulfilled by her work. The woman I want to be has super clear skin and two trips planned ahead. The woman I want to be values her heart and is comfortable in her skin. The woman I want to be is swimming in an ocean of endless self love and is not worried about the past or future- only the now. The woman I will be is welcoming raw love and unleashing her true wild nature.

I have to be honest with myself and look at what is holding me back in the present moment. I mostly think it is fear and attachment to things I’ll have to let go to make room for new.

I changed my Instagram name to @discochlo because I am obviously a huge fan of the seventies. My style very much reflects black women in the seventies, and in general I wish I was born in that era. The disco represents fun and excitement. It represents moving your body and dancing to the beat of your personal drum. So much of this year has been work and sacrifice, but I am ready to enjoy the fruits of my labor. I am ready to have a little fun and loosen up now. Before my Instagram handle was my full name. I thought this was important to maintain a “brand” and keep things professional. Now , I realize that my brand is whoever I choose to be in that moment. My brand is ever-changing like I am. I am welcoming the relaxed, free and even more stylish version of myself in the upcoming year.

I think once you have a child, you are conditioned to go back to how you were. You’re so ready to get back to pre-baby body and pre-baby life. Now that I look back, I DO NOT want to go back to the woman I was before I had my son. I am so much stronger now, in every way. I am opening the doors for the new me who is emerging. I am welcoming the Queen herself. There’s been a few moments towards the end of the year where Disco Chlo slips out, but she always disappears again. Here are a few pictures from a week ago when she revealed herself via selfies. Soon she will be here to stay.

Who do you want to be in 2020 ?

QUEEN & SLIM - FILM OF THE YEAR

Wow. What a piece of work.

This is the most beautiful cinematic experience I’ve had in a while. The richness and the rawness really captivates the audience in a romantic and melodic way. Queen and Slim are an undeniably beautiful pair. The entire movie is based around a “Bonnie & Clyde” mood but you forget they’re even on the run, because of the romance. I was blushing the entire movie, from the flirting, to the sex scenes, to the way they grew with each other in just a matter of days. The film was relatable in many ways, which is what really draws you in and makes you commit to each scene. At this day and age, any 15-40 year old black person could face this exact situation, so that makes the movie really personal.

My favorite scene in the film, ( because I am a sap) - is when they went into the hole in the wall night club to dance. From the moment he pulled up, seeing the excitement on his face about taking her to dance. The back and forth dialect between them before they got out the car. It was all just filling my love cup to the freaking brim. I love this part of the movie because this is where they crossed the threshold from just friends to lovers. He finally got his second date and it was so spicy compared to the first. I loved the way the bar welcomed them - much how black people do in general with these types of settings. I love the way they danced and embraced each other. The flirt levels in this movie just really make you gush because it seems so genuine and real. I love the way that Slim made special moments happen throughout a journey others would view as scary. He made sure to create memories and leave a legacy behind regardless of how things may end.

The art in this movie was prevalent from the costumes, the soundtrack and the setting. Being a southern girl, I love the southern depictions in this movie. I felt right at home in the theater. The scenery as they drove through each state was so amazing to see. The intentional effort that was put behind this movie is outstanding. I didn’t take my eyes away from the screen for a second this entire film. I would say my favorite scene in regards to the arts, was when she went to her uncles house in New Orleans. Everybody has an uncle like that - one they can go to when they get into some real trouble. I found this part amusing and entertaining, but also insightful because we finally got an understanding of why Queen came off as cold in the beginning of the film.

I loved the representation of Slim. I love that he was a black man that was depicted as someone who was gentle, and loving. I love that Slim was a man who believed in a higher power and was comfortable in his own skin. Sometimes, in films its exhausting to always see the black man be overly-aggressive and have these nasty characteristics that take away from their magic. Slim was a man who knew how to demonstrate empathy and a poetic way of loving. Him and Queen made such a beautiful couple. I loved to see the way they handled each other and broke down walls to make room for trust and vulnerability. We need to see more of this kind of love in modern films.

This movie is perfect for a date night, though you’ll need a drink after. We actually saw the movie twice, and I could see it again and again. The way the movie was introduced to us on social media before it even hit theaters was so genius and intimate. I had a relationship with this film before it came out. I really love the direction black art is going and I can’t wait to see this movie win an award. I haven’t felt this way about a romantic/racial movie since “If Beale Street Could Talk”. Melina Matsoukas and Lena Waithe really outdid themselves.

What was your favorite part of Queen and Slim ?

Photo By : Andre Wagner

48 HOURS IN HOUSTON

Visiting home is always a sweet feeling that places me in the hands of nostalgia. There’s something that feels good about seeing familiar streets and buildings. As soon as we get into the city, the feeling of home seeps into our hearts. There’s a sense of safety and remembering things you forgot about. Even the air just feels and smells different. The sound of the traffic and city bustle is like no other.
Saturday morning Phoenix had his first haircut appointment. The barber who cut his hair was also Troys’ adolescent barber. I’ve wanted Phoenix to have a proper cut for months, but his dad insisted that it had to be done by someone special. We waited until we traveled home to schedule his cut. Even though I was the one who pushed for it, I was on edge when it was time to go down. The barber seemed really comfortable, like he had done this a thousand times, which made me more comfortable. I was afraid that Phoenix would squirm and ruin his haircut, but he didn’t. He sat still and smiled and laughed as the barber cut and trimmed his hair. It was like he knew this was his special moment. I was the mom in the shop taking pictures and videos of the entire thing.

My baby is growing up.

MY TOP 15 FAVORITE PODCASTS

MAN ! Im so happy to be writing about my beloved podcasts. This year podcasts have really been my thing and I can’t believe I didn’t discover them sooner. I am fortunate to have a job right now where I can have my headphones in for a full eight hour shift. This is beautiful because I am so against working for someone else ALL DAY and not contributing to self at all. Podcasts have been such a healthy way for me to grow as a person while having a much more enjoyable experience at work. Podcasts have put a whole new twist on how I look at my work day and has consistently kept me IN MY BAG.

Here are all my favorite podcasts in no particular order with a quick description of my opinion on them. This is a guide I WISH someone had created for me ! I listen to anywhere from 8 to 10 podcasts a day. Sometimes I do feel that this is unhealthy because there is a such thing as being OVER INSPIRED. Sometimes I take in so much information that I have more inspiration than I need and don’t know what to do with it or how to sort it all mentally. So please don’t be like me, podcast safely ! Because I am also a music lover, I rarely listen to podcasts in the car but lots of other people do. Other good times to listen to podcasts are at home while you’re cleaning up or taking a shower. Maybe on a long road trip when you run out of music, or even as you cook or work out.

This podcast lifestyle is perfect for my soul. I used to think I was an introvert and really prided myself in that for some silly reason. As I get older, I’m realizing how much of an extrovert I actually am. I love people ! I am a huge conversationalist, I love to talk. I love to hear different peoples perspectives and life stories. Podcasts allow me to be a little bit of both. I can be an introvert and ingest without speaking, while also feeding my extroverted half ! I hope this list does you well and my goal is for you to at least discover ONE podcast you like. Happy listening !

1. 2HII2GOHELL : THE MIDNIGHT PODCAST - This podcast is basically my church. The host Mikel Ameen is such a spiritually in tune young black man. I listen to him when I need spiritual direction. His podcasts answer questions that I have about my life, my culture, love and energy in general. He is wise and trustworthy. He’s a big advocate for returning black people to Africa in a matter of factly and informative way. He provides advice and information on soul searching and being the best version of yourself. He is perfect to listen to if you are in tune with your blackness and want to grow in that. When you first start the podcast, the intro song is a little weird but you’ll grow to love it and feel relaxed instantly when you hear it. Don’t get it twisted, even though Mikel is wise - he is a FOOL. His personality is refreshing and infectious. Listen to him when you want to recognize the GOD within yourself.

2. THE READ
WOW. Where do I even start ? The Read is a really popular OG Podcast. Most black twenty and thirty somethings who listen to podcasts enjoy The Read. This podcast is hosted by Kid Fury and Crissle. These two are the funniest pair. This show is informative and HONEST. The read is like my news. I can get the latest political, pop culture and self care information that I need wrapped up in one. I laugh out loud a lot listening to The Read ! They have grown so much and have a show now on fuse. These two hold it down for the gay community which I love and appreciate. They make it very clear that this is a black space. My favorite part is the listener letters at the end. If you don’t listen to The Read, what are you even doing with your life ?

3. HEY, GIRL.
ThIS podcast is hosted by Alex Elle. Alex Elle is a writer who I’ve followed since my college days. I have watched her grow from a single mother to a married woman with THREE KIDS. Her podcast is magical because she has guests on - and is really skilled at picking the right people to interview and asking the right questions. Hey, Girl is for you if you are a woman, mother, or entrepreneur and most importantly into self-care as that is Alex’s trademark and focus in my opinion. This podcast has pushed me forward as a writer, mother, WOMAN and just as a human being who is processing life. Alex is special because she collaborates with people all across the creative scale. Listen to her if you need organized love and inspiration, that’s the best way to put it.

4. THE MOST UNKNOWN PODCAST
So - I don’t even know who these guys are. I haven’t found them on social media yet. But from my understanding this podcast is hosted by 3-4 black men based in Maryland or somewhere near D.C. I am making this assumption based off their accents and all the episodes I’ve heard so far. I love them because they are funny as hell and I get a look at how men my age and race think. The way these men bounce their opinions off of each other about women, marriage, music, travel, sports - is just something else ! This keeps me in tune with the latest in a mans world - and helps me to understand my boyfriend more -as well. If I can listen to three cis men without being annoyed, then you know they have something. They also have women on as guests, which I like. Listening to them is like a ping pong game between black men and women.

5. MARK GROVES - MAKING YOUR HEART MAKE SENSE
Dont even listen to this podcast if you’re not ready to do the work. Mark Groves is such an intelligent man. He explores all of the topics related to self growth, relationships, nutrition, finances, health - you name it. I must admit - listening to his podcasts are like going to a therapy session or getting slapped in the face. His episodes are a massive awakening and open door to do some serious adulting. I can only tolerate one episode a day because he is just so real and intelligent that its offensive. I love this podcast so much and I know ill be a much better person after hearing them all. Right now I am listening to all the old ones as well as new.

6. COCKTALES - DIRTY DISCUSSIONS
This podcast is hosted by “Kiki” and “Medina” - based in Atlanta. This podcast is a sex based podcast but also just very fun and free flowing. Listening to these two makes me feel like I am on the phone with my best friend. This podcast is informative about sex education but also touches a lot on relationships as a single woman as well as monogamous relationship. They chat about their weekend plans and experiences with men. I listen to this podcast when I want to unwind and have a mental cocktail. This podcast is relatable and sexy !

7. GOOD MOMS, BAD CHOICES
This podcast is EASILY in my top 3. If you are a young “cool” mom - this is for you. The hosts are LA based and both beautiful and free.The rawness, the topics are crazy relatable. I found these two about a month ago and its really the only podcast that is successful of channeling the EXACT energy of a young mom just trying to make it. They are vocal about the struggle and the experiences in a very unapologetic way. These two are both single moms and share so much information on relationships and why their relationships didnt work and all things BABY DADDIES. This podcast is not for you if you are a judgmental, cookie cutter, perfect mom. This podcast is for women who embrace the bumps in the road. Hands down, the most empowering mom podcast I’ve come across so far.

8. INSUBORDINATION
This podcast is one that seems small right now but will grow to be really big. This is the ratchet goodness that I just need in my life sometimes. These two are comparable to “The Read” in regards to the male host vs female host back and forth banter. I think these two are based somewhere in the DMV. I love their accents, I love their topics. Theres a session at the end where they flow and its hilarious. Its honestly just a podcast thats BLACK AS HELL and makes me happy. These two have popping topics and healthy bickering. My week is not complete without them. This is a healthy dialogue between a man and woman and welcomes understanding more than just your own perspective on controversial topics. Its obvious that this is just two friends who got together and started a podcast based off of a similar vision and it works. Its not super fancy or heavily structured like bigger podcasts - but thats why I like it.

9. ENTROPY AND DAE
Oh, Dae ! I enjoy this podcast when the sun is down. Dae speaks to my inner pisces. He addresses feelings and he rambles about his thoughts and his journey in a really refreshing and relatable way. This is usually a thirty minute or less mash up of random feelings that we all feel but don’t know how to put in words. The vulnerability is bone chilling and makes you feel naked in a good way. Listening to this podcast is my equivalent to the sensation right after a good workout, sex or a good cry. If you’re into emotions - you’ll be into this.

10. THE LAVENDAIRE PODCAST
Listen to this podcast if you are a creative and need instant motivation/inspiration. Listen to this podcast if you have an idea and don’t know what to do with it. Listen to this podcast if you are about to give up on life. Aileen Xu is such a light. She is organized, professional and just gives you the shove you need to live the life you dream of. Lavendaire is the reason why a lot of the things I used to wish for, I have now. Simple as that. She has a relaxing voice and helps you come up with a plan. If you are lost, youll know which direction to go after listening to her. This podcast was my therapy when I couldn’t afford it. If you are a visual person, she is also on Youtube. Do yourself a favor. So much free game.

11. THE DAVID BANNER PODCAST
This is a podcast every black person should listen to. This podcast keeps you in the know about resources, politics, history all while being fun and colorful. David Banner is a black advocate and he is serious and loving to his people. His team is funny and they all have the perfect balance amongst each other. If you want to understand how we got here as a culture and how to evolve - LISTEN NOW. I had the pleasure of seeing David Banner speak a couple years ago and this man is out here doing the work.

12. DEADASS
Deadass is a podcast hosted by New York based married couple Khadeen and Devale. I do think this podcast is a little mature for me, as these two are older, married and have three kids. It gives me access to advice I could use in the years to come. This podcast sheds light on marriage, parenting, financial literacy, racial matters and business ventures. These two are also Youtubers and have lots of other involvement in television and entertainment. While I don’t agree with everything they say, I think they are a beautiful representation of black families. They hit all the topics most couples are scared to address.

13. FAMILY SECRETS
A dark, twisted and addictive podcast about secrets revealed within families. Family studies is an interest of mine and Dani Shapiro is an amazing writer. I listen to this podcast when I want to feel something. Plain and Simple.

14. SO, WHAT DO YOU DO AGAIN ?
This podcast is hosted by New York based Naomi Elizee. I love this podcast because it keeps me in the loop with all the New York hot girls. This podcast is about fashion, how to navigate as a young black woman in the creative world. This podcast is community based, and a platform for women to support each other. I think every city needs this kind of energy on the creative scene. This is a beautiful way to take up space and share resources. This podcast appeals to my fashion side and highlights all my favorite fashionistas from Instagram. I am excited to see where this podcast goes as it is a compilation of entrepreneurship, black girl magic and overall killing the game. Its proof that we can collaborate without being competitive and that there’s enough seats at the table for all of us.

15. THE BREAKFAST CLUB
So this is a radio show also, but I love the podcast. People have a lot of negative things to say about the Breakfast Club and I understand why. BUT - the celebrity interviews are just so good. Breakfast Club is the reason why I gave so many artists a chance. After hearing interviews of artists I’ve always passed up on, I go listen and fall in love with them. The Breakfast Club can sometimes seem like a lions den but I have a deep appreciation for the artists who go in swinging and represent themselves so freaking gracefully in an environment that is set up for you to be uncomfortable. Watching artists shine and set boundaries on the Breakfast Club is beyond enjoyable.
Also, When Troy and I first started dating we would both be driving to work in separate cars, but listening to the breakfast club together to see who got “Donkey of The Day”. If you’re into music and ALL THE MESS - listen to the breakfast club.

ALL ABOUT MY THERAPY EXPERIENCE

For the past month and a half, I’ve been going to therapy once a week. I am really open to share my thoughts on therapy, because I feel like everyone could benefit from it. I realized that I needed to go to therapy when my emotions and mental chatter began to effect me and my families life. For the first time in my life, at 28, I was experiencing true trauma and just plain sadness. If I had to describe this feeling I would say it hurts when you breathe. When you inhale and exhale you literally feel pain in your heart. Sometimes its faint and sometimes its strong, but either way its present. After a while, it starts to feel like prison, but inside of yourself. This is really dark, but its real. Usually I can manage my own emotions over a couple months with working out and writing but this time it was beyond my control. I also have really trustworthy friends who get me through hard times, but its not fair to always suck your friends into your trauma. Everyone has their own issues to deal with.

It takes maturity to admit that you need to seek professional help. I knew I needed a listening ear, and an unbiased opinion. It wasn’t hard for me to find a therapist once I started looking. Like most things in my life, I take what comes to me and view it as a plan of action from the universe. The only requirement I had was that she was a black woman. In less than two months, this person has helped me comb out all the kinks and get to the root of my issues. She held me accountable, while also saving space for me to be vulnerable. She gave me some perspectives that I never would have considered.

When I went to my first therapy session, it was a full circle moment before I even stepped in. The same building I took my teacher certification exam, was the same building my therapists office was in. Two MAJOR and scary moments in my life located in the same building. The first session was all about my therapist getting to know me. I told her about my concerns and what I was dealing with, I also told her about the good things in my life as well. The whole first session was just me getting into surface emotions and background of who I am and my belief system. It was really interesting for someone like me who considers themselves a healer to need healing but there I was - on her couch.

I took my therapy sessions really seriously and dressed business casual for the most part. I felt like, if I’m coming to you with my life in shambles, the least I could do is look cute. When going to therapy you have to keep in mind that, your issues are not ALL that you're made up of. Those sessions were really the only time during the week I put REAL clothes on and felt presentable and beautiful. At the end of the day, you dress a certain way to handle your work business, you dress a certain way for your social business. So how do you want to look when doing self business ? Maybe this is my weird way of trying to tie fashion into therapy, but this worked for me. The photos up top are elevator selfies from my first four therapy sessions.

I’m now at a place where I feel like I can chop my sessions down to twice a month, instead of every week. I feel like myself again and I am really grateful. I actually feel better than I’ve felt in a long time. Once you face your truth, there comes a sense of freedom with that. As humans, we go years and years without verbalizing how we feel about certain things. We just leave the thoughts there to float in our minds, and that just isn’t healthy. There is a comfort that comes with being heard and understood. The best way to take care of yourself is acknowledging when something is wrong. The one hour sessions of me speaking to her over coffee really have changed my life. This is very similar to when the engine light comes on in your car but you keep driving and driving. Eventually, your car will force you to get these repairs during a really inconvenient time. This is how health works, mental and physical. I urge you to tend to whatever lights are on.

Are you considering going to therapy ? What questions do you have ?

PHOENIX AS AN ASTRONAUT FOR HALLOWEEN !

Halloween is in full effect !! A tradition I started when Phoenix was born is to DIY and go a little overboard with his costumes. I want to encourage exploring the imagination and this is the perfect holiday for that. Reality can get exhausting, so its fun to have one day where you can just be something else. He doesn't understand the concept of Halloween yet, so I still get to choose what I want him to be. It took a long time to decide on astronaut, but I was sure once I started to research what approach I would take.

When thinking of costumes for Phoenix, I try to think of really simple things that I can make my own. This was very challenging because with a two year old, you have to think about how comfortable the costume is. They may be fussy and refuse to let you get pictures if the costume is too tight, heavy, itchy or includes a headpiece. I knew Phoenix wouldn’t let us put anything on his head for too long, which is why most of the pictures are without the “helmet”.

We took him to a neighborhood called the “Plaza District” to capture his costume. This area has a ton of graffiti and promising backdrops. This is the same place we took his Halloween pictures last year when he was a Lion (included below). We always dress up and take pictures a little early because we don’t trick or treat yet. I can’t wait until he gets older and I can show him how much effort I put into his costumes. I hope he grows to love Halloween and using his imagination. Maybe next year, he will choose what he wants to be. Celebrating and dressing him up definitely brought joy into my life right when I needed it. What are the kiddos in your life going as this year ? What are some other traditions you’ve started for this time of year ?

LETTING YOUR INTUITION LEAD THE WAY

I’ve been studying the power of intuition and manifestation lately, and the ways they can be used to enhance my life. My intuition spoke to me heavily as a child. I always felt this inner power pulling me towards certain ideas or thoughts. My intuition was potent, and I knew it was a positive force even though I was too young to identify what it was exactly. As a child, I imagined my intuition to be my fairy godmother like Whitney Houston on the “Cinderella” with Brandy as the lead role (iconic). I watched that movie so much growing up. I had it on VHS and it never got old to me. My imagination and my intuition were bonded together until I matured and could decipher the difference between the two.

As an adult, I realize that imagination, intuition and manifestation are three key things than can propel me to where I want to be. If only I knew then how powerful these things would be later in life. The imagination of a child is so unique and undisturbed. That is the place I try to return to when being creative and seeking authentic experiences through my art and way of living. Right now, meditation is restoring my ability to connect to organic and fresh thoughts. I’ve been able to recall specific moments from my childhood, which reminds me who I was before I was influenced so much by the world. This nostalgic feeling is pretty addicting and is pressing me into an even deeper spiritual realm. Understanding that everyone has a different reality and that you have the ability to view the world however you choose has brought me to a space of accountability.

A really scary part of adulthood is realizing that you have all of the control and responsibility over your life. Your well being and success depends on how much love you give to yourself day to day. Your energy is a reflection of your heart and your intentions for yourself and others. People who vibrate at high levels can spot another glowing being from a mile away, and thats what I want to be. I want to be someone who radiates love and vulnerability. I want to be someone who is content and ever-changing in response to life and its waves.

One idea thats been really repetitive in my studies is that, when you are going though something and experience a wave of sadness or depression, that is the universes way of trying to encourage CHANGE. If you feel stagnant or unsatisfied, what is it that you need to change in order to be better again ? Being able to know when to make certain shifts really can change you for the better.

A concept that has resonated with me is checking my “inner landscape” throughout the day. Asking myself, how am I feeling right now and why ? What do I need in order to feel most comfortable in this moment. What are my intentions for the remainder of my day ? This helps me make the most of my life, because there are no moments where I am disconnected from myself. How can I connect to other things, if I am not connected to self ?

One thing I need to work on is focusing on my breath more. Conscious breathing, and appreciating being able to breathe through my nose. When you breathe, you should be taking deep and full breaths. Most humans only take in half of the breath they actually are supposed to take which effects brain function, mood and a bunch of other things I won’t get into right now. But yes, I need to focus more on my breath.

This is where I am right now in my spirituality. I am looking at spirituality in its collaboration with all things mental/emotional. Where are you in your spiritual journey and what are some resources you turn to for research ?