OCTOBER, THERAPY & CLIMBING OUT OF THE HOLE

Eleven days into the month, and things are looking alright. The fact that there are only two and a half months left of this year is getting more and more real to me. Right now, I am just focusing on making the best of them and planning exciting things along the way. 2019 is the best year I’ve had in a long time, but things have taken a dip since late August. There’s been a series of things that have happened outside of my control. This whole year has been about self care, understanding my anxiety, and overcoming hardships. Now, its like the universe is checking to see if I’m really about that life. Im being tested to see if I can stay at a peaceful place despite lifes’ curveballs. The old me would resort to isolation. I would take a long Instagram break, and distance myself from those around me. This space is much different, and I am acknowledging that I actually need those around me during hard times.

Last weekend my best-friend came into town. We ate, drank, laughed and did all the normal things you do with your best-friend. Troy and I got a babysitter, and we all went out for the first time in months ! When she left, I felt uplifted and grateful. Living in a separate state from my loved ones is hard, so when they come see me the time is cherished. The familiarity and quality time brings me back to myself in such a beautiful way.

This weekend my grandparents are visiting, which should also be really nice. Its that season, where you get to see all the people you love, and the visiting begins. I really do love this time of year for that reason alone. In the meantime, I’ve been really focused on freelance writing, brainstorming for Phoenixs’ halloween costume and making sure I prioritize working out and eating as clean as possible.

I also saw a therapist for the first time yesterday. The experience was pleasant and much like I thought it would be. I think everyone deserves to go to therapy and its a shame everyone doesn’t have access. I am happy that I’m naturally taking a completely different route to cater to my mental health than usual. Changed actions result in a changed life. I’ll speak more on therapy after I go to 5 or so sessions, so that I can give a true perspective.

I hope you guys are doing well and making memories with those you love. Above are some bestie pics taken last weekend at the museum.

MELANCHOLY AT THE FARMERS MARKET

Right now, I am emotionally preparing for October. For the first time this year, I feel unprepared for a new month. Generally speaking, I am a lover of new days, new weeks, months and years. I am feeling a heavy sensation for change. Something extreme like a tattoo, or a new pet or moving again. I guess thats the Pisces in me, always feeling the need to wander and explore new territories. Everything I’ve asked for and manifested is at my fingertips and I am a little overwhelmed.

I went to the farmers market this weekend and the energy was pleasant. It felt like everyone was getting in the mood for holidays and socialization. Every interaction I had while I was there, was positive. There was even a small pumpkin patch set up. For some reason, I couldn’t match the tone. I felt left behind, and not “with the program.” I was very thankful for the conversation and brief exchanges I did have. I got to try an edible flower atop a chocolate mousse treat. I tried plenty of samples and smiled at strangers and familiar faces.

How does this new season, and soon to be new month have you feeling ?

GLAMPING WITH MY FAMILY DURING FALL EQUINOX

It was very hard deciding where we wanted to go for our anniversary trip, but we chose Green Acres ATX. Green Acres is a glamping site in Elgin, Texas about 30 minutes outside of Austin. I always try to find really eclectic places for us to visit. I really enjoy small towns, and roads less traveled. The reason why I searched Elgin Texas on Airbnb is because a lot of my dads roots were there. His grandparents lived and died in Elgin. I thought it would be relaxing and nostalgic to revisit. When I saw the Yurts online, I was sold. It was a little pricey, but worth it in the end. Anything nature related is good for my family.

My one goal for the trip was to see a shooting star, which did not happen. I am nearing thirty and I’ve never seen a shooting star !! When we arrived, we were the only ones there, which was nice. It was blazing hot - about 98 degrees. We got dressed and decided to head to Austin for a few hours. We ended up at Whole Foods, getting all the “glamping necessities”. It was the most beautiful Whole Foods I’d ever been in. (Fun Fact: Whole Foods started in Austin.) This is my favorite grocery store, and is always a treat. We are such a simple family, that a trip to the grocery store was satisfying and fun for us. Afterwards, we drove around the city and grabbed a quick snack then headed back to our Yurt for the rest of the weekend.

That night we cooked salmon filets and patties on the grill, with corn on the cob. Troy got a nice fire going, and we sipped champagne. There was coincidentally another couple there, who was also celebrating their 5 year anniversary. They had music playing, and it was just a special vibe even though we didn’t know them. Something I really enjoyed about Green Acres, was the partially outdoor shower. Outdoor showers get me every time. Feeling connected to nature, while bathing is just dreamy. The grounds was as comfortable as “camping” could possibly be. Phoenix was really enjoying the nature and in his element.

The next day, we got a good look at the donkeys and alpacas. They were in walking distance of our yurt and it was a cool experience for Phoenix, he was really excited to see them. I cooked a quick breakfast on the grill, while Troy took his outdoor shower. We were eager to head into town and experience Elgin’s culture. Elgin is a really small town, and all of the shops were located in a strip “Downtown”. I was really shocked to see these shops because when I was a little girl, it seemed like NOTHING was there beyond my great grandparents’ house.

First we went into a thrift store where I found a really cute vintage bathing suit for one dollar. Then we went into an antique shop, and various other little shops with trinkets and other collectables. We stumbled into a boutique that only sold items made by women, and had great conversation with a girl who worked there. We found this consignment shop that also served as a wine bar with a decked out leafy patio. We stayed there for a bit and had wine-ritas, which were delicious. Troy and I really enjoyed that owners conversation as well. Lastly we went to Meyers Smoke House which is a famous restaurant in Elgin known for its sausage. I remember going there as a tiny girl with my parents. Troy loves bar-b-q, so I couldn’t wait to take him there. We ate in the car, because Phoenix was asleep and we didn’t want to risk waking him. Troy really loved his food and we had a nice car date together.

For the rest of the trip we spent time outdoors, watching Phoenix run through the property. We listened to a lot of music and really tapped into each other. Our day to day gets really robotic and this trip was a nice change of pace. It was weird to be without my laptop or to do list, but was very refreshing. Nature trips are really good for toddlers because they can’t mess anything up, or break anything. The wilderness is “pre baby proofed”. The drive for us was about 5.5 hours each way. We’ve done a lot of road trips, and I honestly like being on the road. I love seeing the change of scenery between states, I love the jam sessions. I enjoy the stops and getting snacks and just being in different places. I feel very lucky and blessed to be able to travel, even if its not that far. Traveling really is good for my soul and resets me every time.

Id love to go back to Green Acres, with friends or family. Its the perfect place to connect with others, without distraction. This little town was so fun to take pictures in and do some light writing. Have you ever been glamping before ? What was your experience like ?

CHLOE' & TROY CELEBRATE 5 YEARS

The morning of the photo session was quiet and warm. I desperately thrifted this plum set the evening before the shoot. It fit perfectly, and happened to be my favorite color. We showed up and our photographer Kiki (Kalie) immediately channeled our vision. Troy and I wanted a natural look, which influenced us to experiment with film. Film is really beautiful because the shots are so true, there are no do-overs. My friend Eric let us use his front porch and offered us cold water. This shoot felt quaint, special, and seamless. Phoenix managed to sneak in the last couple shots. I feel really lucky to experience true love. Our fifth year has been the best yet.

My most cherished moments are the simple ones. The Sunday mornings taking turns on the speaker. Listening to music, getting ready for our day. Existing together. I am most proud of our parenting style, and our friendship.

I have a partner who is strong, honest, and passionate. Most importantly, he chooses me everyday.

All photos taken by Kalie Mackey - on 35 mm film

HOW I HEALED MY ANXIETY

Recently, I shared how I healed my anxiety on “All The Pretty Birds”. Click here to read all about it.

This is a topic I talk about a lot on LADYFOX, but this article goes even more into depth about my personal practice. I am really excited about being able to share my journey on other platforms. Let me know what you think !

Artwork by : Justina Blakeney

19 DAYS UNTIL SUMMER ENDS

This summer was truly iconic for me, but I am ready to let it go. Over Labor Day weekend we spent time at the lake with some friends. It was really chill. It felt like the last time we’d swim or be in water for a while. I can feel that shift of seasons, and it is surreal. I am excited for whats to come, whatever that may be. Im going to slow down the next few weeks and try to simplify my life in preparation for the transition. I want to ride along with the current.

WAYS TO START SOUL SEARCHIN'

I’ve been receiving a lot of DM’s lately about self love and soul searching. People have asked me where to start and for advice on finding ones true self. This made me feel inclined to share more about my journey, just in case there are more who wonder the same. I think it’s really sweet that people think I have my shit together. I am deeply flattered to be trusted with such an intimate topic by another woman. Really I am just existing and constantly learning like everyone else. Most times, I do connect directly to my wisdom. But at other times, I have to acknowledge and sit with my ignorance. A big lesson I’ve learned as of late is that you cannot put any human being on a pedestal, because we are all wildly flawed beyond our imaginations. What I can do is share how I got to this point, and how I’ve arrived at a chapter of my life where I can trust myself and those around me. In this post, I will go into detail of the responses I typically send to those who ask for this type of advice. 

Soul searching for me was a very lonely process. Soul searching was mainly about solitude and shedding the layers that didn’t belong ; to reveal the true essence of myself. It’s a journey beyond everything you’ve been conditioned to believe. Soul searching and self care are best friends. Metaphorically, soul searching would be the cloud, as self care is the rain. The cloud is traveling & reshaping on an endless journey. While the rain sprinkles over your life and assists in your understanding and maturation. 

Here are some ways to embark on your soul search :

• Remove unnecessary people from your life - Anyone who makes you feel competitive, less than, disrespected, unhappy, bored or any negative emotion that disrupts your way of life - simply let them go. You will never meet the people truly intended to love you, if you don’t make room. This will be so hard. You may be emotionally connected out of habit and time, but you have to release those not meant for you. Lovers, and friends as well. Give others a chance to find their people.

• Find out what your morals and beliefs are. What boundaries do you have as a human being? What are the things that make up your character ? - Answering these questions will decide what kind of people you want around you and provide clarity of the type of person you want to be. It develops a true understanding of what you do and don’t appreciate. For me, I like consistency. I do really well with people who keep their word.I prefer people who have great communication skills and are upfront. Honesty is a big thing for me. I don’t tolerate people who can’t healthily navigate my sensitivity. What are your deal breakers ?

• This one is going to sound cheesy, but it’s so real. Knowing/Raising your worth. What makes you a valuable person ? What are you good at ? What skills do you have ? Are you intelligent ? Healthy ? What do you have to bring to any table ? Sometimes as human beings we can be really entitled. We consider ourselves a GIFT to people. But are you ? I realized during my soul search that I really wasn’t the shit like I thought I was. I was selfish, and I was defensive. I was smart but only about certain topics and points of interest. I began to take my health more seriously, physical and mental. I started to prioritize reading and studying different things. I talked to people more, like REALLY talked and absorbed information from them. I began to speak more intelligently and carry myself with more dignity and honor. I traveled more and got really into planning my trips. I started to dabble in different art forms to see what I’m good or suck at. Now, I can honestly say that I have something to give to those around me - whether that be advice or good company. Be able to hold a conversation with people of all ages and creeds.

• NEXT - Address your physical flaws and the things you’re self conscious about. This one is self explanatory. If your confidence is low, take those steps to building that by taking care of yourself. If you think you’re fat, work out. If you don’t like your hair, change it. If you wish you dressed nicer, begin. If you hate your teeth, get braces ! Change whatever it is that you don’t like about your appearance, because ignoring it won’t make it go away. At least this way, when you look in the mirror and think “I hate my stomach”. You can follow with “BUT I worked out everyday this week and in no time ill be snatched.” - There are things you cannot change (very few things these days.) But you will have to come to terms with those and work with what you have. 

• Understand how short life is and go after the things you want. I think a lot of people are “waiting for the right time” or think that they have so much time to do things. But at the end of the day, life is extremely short. If there’s something you want to do, start taking the steps to do it because before you know it, time will pass you by. In my experience, having my son really made me put my plans in motion. Once I had him, it made me realize how much free time I had BEFORE he arrived.I can’t stop wondering wtf I was doing with all those extra hours I had. Don’t go to work and then come home and not do anything for the rest of your day. Use that time to work on something beneficial ! 

• When it comes to LOVE or a significant other. NEVER SETTLE. What you want is out there. Don’t let people tell you that your standards are unrealistic. There is someone out there who can fulfill most of your desires. Save yourself for someone who respects the way you want to be loved. When you meet said person, you will know if they are worth sticking with through the hardships of life. Who you share your intimate life with is so serious. You naturally pick up on the habits and mindset of the life partner that you choose, so be careful. 

• Be stingy with your time and energy. If something does not resonate with you or what you believe in, DON’T DO IT. If you don’t like to go to clubs, politely decline when your friends ask. If you like to club, go live your best life. Preserve yourself for higher calls of action. Do not wastefully leave yourself available for things and activities that you don’t enjoy or find value in. This is a slow road to living a life that does not align with your destiny.

I could go on and on and on about this topic. This is something I’m really passionate about and I want to help people get over that hump before life ends. Some people never make it over that hump, you know? They go their whole lives wondering what life would be like if they booked that one way flight to another place. They go their whole life married to someone they don’t even like, because of fear. Fear of reality and fear of growth. I love that beautiful moment when someone bursts out of that mental and emotional cage to see true freedom. 

A major part of soul searching that no one discusses, is that it is SAD, it is so sad and depressing sometimes. It’s scary to feel like you’re starting from scratch. There to face your trauma, and your own messed up ways without the rescue of anyone. It’s intense and it makes you feel naked. There is so much love and acceptance from yourself and others once you pass your own personal tests. You are able to do things with love and less hate. You’re more willing to give than take because you have trust. You experience more joyful moments because you are open enough to do so. 

Have you ever soul searched ? What was your experience like ?

Let me know if you have anything specific you’d like to discuss about self growth and journeying.

CURATOR HIGHLIGHT : INTERVIEW WITH SASHA & TRACEE - PEOPLE OF COLOR DO CAMP !

Today we are highlighting two very special people. Tracee and Sasha are the LA based QUEER QUEEN couple who manifested and birthed  “POC Camp”. POC camp is a nature and camp driven movement for people of color. This is an organized camping experience created to dissolve the idea that hiking, camping and nature based activities aren’t for US.

I had the pleasure of meeting Sasha at the end of 2017. Sashas’ energy was majestic, and infectious. At the time, I knew her as the free spirited bud-fairy I followed on Instagram. As soon as we got to LA, I hit her up for some earthy souvenirs and met her at her shop. She was very informative and smiled when she talked. I recognized the light in her immediately, and her radiance stayed with me after we left. It’s no surprise at all that she (and her partner) have organized a safe space like this for people of color.

Within my community as a yoga instructor, I have been present when a person of color falls in love with yoga. I have also been present to hear that people of color think certain activities aren’t for them because there’s no representation. Sasha and Tracee are actively doing the work to change the narrative as their movement grows bigger and bigger. This is our last (but certainly not least) curator highlight of August. I hope you guys enjoy this interview, let’s do it !!

LadyFox - What was the exact moment "POC DO CAMP" was born ? - when you guys decided, this is what we're doing! Let’s set this up now.

“We'd say the exact moment POC Camp was born, was when we took to Instagram to ask people why they thought the stereotype that "black people don't camp" existed. In that same post, we asked other black and brown folks if they would be interested in joining us on a group camping trip if we organized it, and the answer was overwhelmingly YES. That was May of 2018. The post came after we had gone camping in Ojai, and got excited about seeing one other black person at our campground, since it's so unusual. That led to us having a conversation about why we see so few people of color camping, and why it seems to be - like most things - overwhelmingly white. When we realized that there were indeed other black and brown folks who were totally down to camp, and with us, we knew we had to go for it!”

LadyFox - Give me a little background on what this movement is all about ?

“This movement is about dispelling the myth that camping is a "white people thing". It's about reconnecting black and brown people to the land and allowing them the space to access the healing that is mother nature. It is to remind people of color that this Earth is ours and this is where we came from. It is to help people learn new skills, and grow others. It's about creating representation of black and brown people enjoying themselves and thriving in nature. POC Camp is about creating a safe and healing space where POC can breathe easier surrounded by nature and community.” 

LadyFox - What are some of the best memories you've experienced at your camps? 

“The best memories we've experienced at camp have been the times when people have really been brave, adventurous, and trusted us. The first POC Camp last October, we had people who had never flown OR camped before, that flew from Virginia, North Carolina, and Louisiana. When we were camping in Ojai, it rained practically the whole time - but we were all huddled up warm and cozy under a big tarp and we made it work. We took a rainy hike to a waterfall, and most recently we went practically off-roading on a single lane mountain road to get to a nature-made waterslide. These are memories we will never ever forget!” 

LadyFox - Are you guys pro campers or do you just wing it ?

“That's kinda hard to say.. there are so many different types of camping styles, but we wouldn't say we are "pro campers". We also definitely don't just wing it, though. We like to be prepared, we like to have what we need, and we like to be comfortable. We keep most of our camping gear in our car so we are ready to go at a moment's notice!”

LadyFox - What effects does creating something like this for the community have on you guys' relationship ? What is it like to do community work with your partner?

“It's definitely brought us closer. It's been amazing to be able to work with one another and witness each other's strengths. We balance each other out so well and it helps a lot in making our work relationship flow easily and without much effort. We both bring a lot of different - but similar - work experience to the table and I think the birth of POC Camp and other work we've been doing are beautiful examples of our skills being put to their best use. It's exciting and it's fun for us and it feels really good to focus on similar goals and see them come to fruition. It's also given our relationship more purpose. We've realized that our paths crossed for bigger reasons than just being together. We have work to do and we have gifts we want to offer up to the world. It's been a beautiful journey thus far and we are eager to see what the future holds for us.”

LadyFox - Why did you guys choose camping over any other activity ? 

“Camping has been something that we have done together as a couple the entirety of our relationship (nearly 6 years now)!  It has done so much for us individually, and as a couple. It's such a rejuvenating and healing activity, and we want to share that.” 

LadyFox- Are most of the people who attend strangers or people you've met before ? 

“The first one was mostly strangers, but the second and third was a pretty mixed group of folks we knew, and new people! As time goes on we are having people come back for a second or third time, and we are creating a family! It's been so beautiful to see folks connecting through POC Camp and forming relationships outside of the campgrounds. This is exactly what we could've hoped for.”

LadyFox - For those who can't attend, but want to help and give back, how can they do that ? 

Sharing about our mission (@poc_camp)

donating towards future trips:

Venmo - pocdocamp@gmail.com

Cashapp - $pocdocamp

LadyFox - Why do you think some people assume black people don't camp?

“We have first-hand experience with being the only black people camping and on hikes time and time again. We have both had experiences where we share with black peers that we are going camping, or we host a group camping trip - and many of them have said "Black people don't camp!" And we tell them.. yes, yes we do! When we initially brought up POC Camp on Instagram, we asked people why they thought black people didn't camp. One answer that stood out was the lack of safety for black folks in nature in the past. Fear passed down through generations. We also recently had a conversation with someone who works for the National Parks Service in which they mentioned the lack of representation of black and brown people in NPS media. You simply don't see black people camping. We're doing what we can to change this assumption, create representation, and bring black folks back to the land.” 

LadyFox - Last but not least, If you guys had one dream/major goal for "POC Camp", what would that look like?

“Our major goal is to get black and brown people outside and camping. Every time we have a trip and people show up, 18 people, 20 people, 25 people - we meet our goal. At this point, we feel like we've done it! We have seen people who have met at POC Camp get together afterwards and spend time with one another. And we're like.. "Damn. We did it. We got people outside and we've created community. We've created a community of people who love each other." And that's the dream. To keep doing what we're doing. Eventually, though, we would like to make this a nationwide movement and host camping trips outside of California! Perhaps we'd live in an RV with our cats and a dog and take this show on the road. 

are creating a family! It's been so beautiful to see folks connecting through POC Camp and forming relationships outside of the campgrounds. This is exactly what we could've hoped for.” 

I really enjoyed this series and I hope you guys did too ! Until next time.

DRESSING LIKE AN "ADULT"

Fashion has been a lot of fun for me this year. My goal has been to deliver a more clean- crisp look, always. I achieve this by keeping my nails done, and focusing on skincare/haircare as much as possible. When the basics are taken care of, its easier to form an outfit around it. Minimalism really made styling myself quite effortless and fun. I rarely spend more than 15 minutes deciding on something to wear. It was really important to me to dress a little more prestigious now that I am in my late 20s. I want to give off the impression of a woman who is sure of herself and has somewhere to BE. Afterall, your style is your first impression !

Ive learned that working out really helps me feel more confident in my clothes. Ive been hitting the gym three to five times a week and its made all the difference. I am still thrifting pretty heavy and falling in love with the pieces that find me. The other day my boyfriend and I drove 45 minutes to the next city because we’ve exhausted every thrift store in OKC (a shame). I would say my fashion influences are Lulama Wolf, Tracee Ellis Ross, Mary Kate Olsen. I really enjoy the way Jenny Mustard puts outfits together, I also love me some Karla Deras .. I could go on forever, really. I just like a simple sexy vibe. Something that says, she barely tried and still looks amazing.

This look really wasn’t for anything special, we grabbed some food and did a little thrifting. Ran some errands around the city. My hair was still a little damp from the previous nights wash, so I did a simple bun. Mejuri sent me these earrings, and I’m adding them to my earring rotation ! I was excited about shooting this vintage top and I am even more excited for the fall so I can start wearing boots ! These boots are actually from Zara, as well as this denim skirt (old purchases). I’m still trying to stay away from fast fashion as much as possible.

What words would you use to describe your style ?

CURATOR HIGHLIGHT - INTERVIEW WITH LEEZA JONEE ARTIST, WRITER & CREATOR OF THE BREATHING SPACE

Here we are on our third curator highlight, which I’m so delighted to share. *clap clap*  Today, we are speaking to the gorgeous Leeza Jonee also known as Lee, a product of Goldsboro, North Carolina. Leeza is an illustrator, writer and curator of the community project/movement known as “The Breathing Space”. The Breathing Space is so special because it is a home for healing and community. I selected Leeza for today’s highlight because she is one of the strongest and powerful black women that I follow. Aside from purchasing prints from Leeza, I fell in love with her mission, and style of celebrating black women and culture. Leeza is the prototype for the kind of leaders and creatives we need to change the narrative and maintain positive shifts for our people. Leeza has these amazing illustrations of feminine body figures called “ thick jawn”, that are both honest and seductive. She just recently shared her 3rd installment called “midnight dedications to the body” which are amazing as well. I couldn't help but share such a multifaceted and talented black woman. HERE WE GO !

LadyFox - If you could describe Leeza Jonee` in three words, what would they be?

• tender

• curious

• renaissancing - lol made up but it comes to mind too easily when I think of all that I do

LadyFox - What is your message/intentions with the breathing space?

Leeza -The notion that there is “healing in community”. Even for the folks who feel there isn’t something to directly be healed from. My goal is to emphasize how necessary community and allyship is for growth and self care.

LadyFox - What is your experience as a black woman in the present day?

Leeza - Where do I start? — I am constantly learning and unlearning ways in which to navigate society as a black woman. Not that there is a right or wrong way to to exist as a black woman but to fully embrace my blackness and my womanhood in all that I do. From breathing to creating to loving. I believe we as black women are often challenged, more so than other races and genders. There has yet to be a movement for just US, that is groundbreaking or makes headlines. Both the Civil Rights movement and the Black Power movement, although immensely radical and revolutionary, majorly existed, uplifted and supported the black man with the majority of that uplifting and support lying heavily on the backs of black women. I still feel, today (Black Lives Matter movement), that we as black women are the backbone of much of the rallying and outcries of our society. My intention, especially as a creative, is to be that protest for us, in all ways. 

 LadyFox - Were your body prints a one time creative project or will you continue with visual art?

Leeza - I’ll definitely continue! lol I’ve been drawing my whole life. The body line drawings took me out of my comfort zone of realism and furthered my desire to continue celebrating our bodies. I’ve always drawn the female form; when I was younger, I wanted to become a fashion designer. My current line drawings are digital and I plan to explore acrylic and oil painting as an alternative medium for this style.

LadyFox - What can someone expect when they come to "The Breathing Space"?

      Leeza -  Being that the topics are so varied, the experience is always changing yet the energy remains the same. You can always expect to meet a curious and eager crowd. That is my favorite part. The setup of The Breathing Space is less of a panel and more of living room vibe so you get a real and chill atmosphere. We speak and express candidly our lived experiences and opinions. I’ve learned so much and have been put on to new and similar life stories. 

LadyFox -What is one piece of advice you would give to someone who wants to be an artist?

    Leeza - Perseverance and consistency. A constant reminder for myself. You truly recognize the fruits of your labor the harder you work and more focused you remain. Also, be open to feedback. I’ve learned this more as a writer. Publishers told me that once I complete my collection of work, share it with those closest to me and those that appreciate the art. It helps to understand who your audience is.  

LadyFox - What does it feel like to give back to people of color and support community through your work?

Leeza - It’s so surreal and triumphant. This may sound odd but it wasn’t my main intention. I’ve done the work for the sake of doing the work; whether creating, writing or holding space, I’ve always felt that it was something that needed to be done. Over time, aside from my desire to just “do”, I’ve been more motivated to continue The Breathing Space and my creative endeavors from the response of my community. That’s where the victory lies. 

LadyFox - What is your definition of love?

Leeza - A space that is unconditional and sacrificial. I have this affirmation,

“woman of many talents. lover, my greatest one.” 

I don’t necessarily mean “romantic” lover. When you walk in “love” you exist without conditions and in all that you do, you make the paramount decisions to follow through with the ultimate goal.

LadyFox - Describe how a "perfect" day would go for Leeza.

Leeza - Near water. Good music. Reading, writing, working through my to-do list and making deadlines with no distractions. Oh and coffee. I’ve recently turned off all notifications on my phone to make this more of a reality; I’m less inclined to pick up my phone if it’s not buzzing every minute lol.

LadyFox - At what moment did you realize that you needed to birth "The Breathing Space"  for the community?

Leeza - I don’t think there was an “ah ha” moment for me. As an only child, I’ve always craved kinship, so creating and hosting a space for others came naturally. In the beginning, I was asked to host a “cocktails and conversation” event with no intention of it becoming what The Breathing Space is today. (There was supposed to be a different name and setup). That idea and offer came to me and I ran with it. As mentioned above, the community made me realize that what I’ve desired my whole life was necessary for all.

I WROTE ABOUT FENG SHUI ON "ALLTHEPRETTYBIRDS"

Click here to see my article I wrote on Feng Shui that is now up on “All The Pretty Birds”. I was very excited for this article to be published and I love me some Tamu McPherson, so this was a fangirl moment ! If you’re into all things home decor and vibes, check it out !

Photo by Latonya Yvette

CURATOR HIGHLIGHT - INTERVIEW W/ CHRISTIANA OF BUM-CAKE VINTAGE

Today we’ll take an inside look at the thoughts of Christiana Greene, curator and owner of Bum-Cake Vintage. I discovered Christiana on Instagram a couple years ago, and have followed her journey into the vintage world. I myself am a big lover of vintage lingerie. I love silky sets and slips. I think it is empowering for a woman to dress sexy and be adorned around her home, even on occasions that aren't necessarily “special”. With my transition to womanhood, I realized I felt more celebrated, and fulfilled in queenly loungewear. My favorite kind of lingerie is the old gold label Victoria’s Secret, from back in the day when the brand was more exclusive and intentional. 

Bum-Cake Vintage sells the exact kind of lingerie a woman needs while tending to her household, her children, her cooking, her plants, her anything. Christiana also sells some homegoods ! I can’t wait to get my hands on one of her sea-shell candles. This brand is so feminine forward and I love it. Another thing I admire about Christiana is her online presence, she remains unique and untainted by mainstream retail concepts. Bum-Cake Vintage is charming, and feels really natural to support. It is so important for the brown woman to feel sexy and empowered, that is why Bum-Cake Vintage is the highlight this week. Let’s get into her interview !

LadyFox -When did you fall in love with vintage lingerie ?

Christiana -I first fell in love with vintage years ago when I used to sell regular vintage for women and men. I've always been attracted to really frilly, girly things... you know, like ruffles, silk, and satin. I'm a girly girl for sure. 

LadyFox - What are your thoughts on womanhood and femininity ?

Christiana -Womanhood and femininity are sources of life. I believe in the whole concept of "divine femininity." The importance of womanhood is often underrated, but I think that's changing--I see women coming together now more than ever before and it's a beautiful thing to observe and be a part of because we are creators of community, love, creation, sensuality... everything. When women come together, amazing things happen. This has been shown throughout history over and over again. 

LadyFox - Where are you based ?

Christiana -I currently live in Ridgewood, NY, which is on the border of Queens and Brooklyn--it's very close to Bushwick and Bedstuy.

 LadyFox- I can see you’ve been traveling ! What are some of your favorite places you've visited ?

Christiana -I really enjoyed London and would love to live there for a year, nothing permanent, but it would be cool. I also really enjoyed visiting Milan and Paris. While in Paris, I spent a great deal of time shopping for beauty products... actually, correction: MOST of my time in Paris was spent shopping for beauty products. I loved it.

LadyFox -What other areas of arts are you interested in besides fashion ?

Christiana - I'm really interested in dabbling into home goods. I currently make and sell candles that are biodegradable and reusable, but I want to get into making incense and pottery a bit. We'll see where my heart takes me, haha. 

LadyFox -Describe a perfect day in your world ?

Christiana - Waking up around 6am when the neighborhood is still quiet, making myself tea while getting myself ready for the day. Reading a few poems or chapters from a book before heading to a pilates or meditation class. Lunch in a park with my partner before heading to an art show or gallery. Dinner and drinks at a fave restaurant or local spot. Then heading home to relax and reflect on my day before watching a movie or show while eating ice cream or creme brulee. I love eating ice cream/creme brulee in bed while watching a movie/show or listening to music. I really appreciate the simple things these days. Nothing fancy, just peaceful simplicity. 

LadyFox -What message do you want to give others about sustainable living ? 

Christiana -I keep reading articles about scientists saying that we only have somewhere between 10-15 years before global warming is irreversible. That being said, we all need to be more mindful about conserving energy, resources, and even making better choices when it comes to what brands we support and what products we use. Try to use products that are reusable and be sure to recycle. When it comes to clothing, support indie brands and try to not support fast fashion retailers. Also, wear more vintage when you can. We can all be more mindful with these things. The information is out there, just google it. 

LadyFox - What is your current experience like being a woman of color in the present day ?

Christiana -I feel like it's an exciting time. I feel like the opportunities available to us are finally becoming endless... like the world certainly has a way to go as far as seeing our worth, but we are building our own businesses and there are so many of us who are entrepreneurs across all industries these days that we're doing well on our own. Us women of color are supporting each other and building our own communities, so we're really flourishing. It's pretty amazing. 

LadyFox -What things do you find romantic ?

Christiana -I find romance in so many things, it's kind of silly lol. For starters, long, intimate, deep discussions about life and other random things that leave me feeling pensive are romantic. 

LadyFox -What is your zodiac sign ?

Christiana - I'm a Capricorn. All day. 

LadyFox - How do you like your coffee?

Christiana -I rarely drink coffee, but when I do, I like an espresso. Also, when I was in Milan, I really enjoyed the caffe ginseng, which is just an espresso with ginseng extract. So good! Normally, I'm an avid tea drinker though. I love tea--I drink it morning, noon, and night. I love rose earl grey or this reishi matcha mix in the morning and then chai with oat or almond milk midday and a non-caffeinated herbal tea at night. 

LadyFox -What is your BEST vintage find so far ? 

Christiana -Well, it's not really a find, but more of a gift from my late great grandmother... I have this beautiful Delill lucite beaded purse that was handmade in Italy from her. It's gorgeous and I'll cherish it forever. 

LadyFox -How did you come up with the name BUM-CAKE VINTAGE, (which is so cute by the way) ?

Christiana - Thank you, it was a term of endearment for an ex-lover and then, it became the name of this blog my college friends and I tried to start years ago. Now, it's the name of my brand. It's weird, but I like it. 

I really hope you guys enjoyed this interview. I am really proud of what Christiana does for the community. Look below on how to find/support her business.

Personal Instagram : @bum_cake

Bumcake Vintage Instagram : @bumcakev

Website : www.bum-cake.com                     

NAIL APPOINTMENT TURNED THERAPY

My nail techs name was Krystal and she had a calming energy. As soon as she began on my nails, she seemed really sure of herself. Usually at nail shops you can tell a lot about the owner by the way the nail techs interact with you. Ive been to nail shops in the past where nail techs aren’t appreciated, don’t get enough breaks, and do mani-pedis from the moment they arrive to the moment they leave. One reason I love my nail shop, is because the mood is always pretty upbeat and the techs seem genuinely happy to be at work. One thing I struggle with finding, is a nail tech who isn’t afraid to take risks and try different designs and give their own opinion and flare.

I was pleasantly surprised with Krystal who got my shape perfect and was giving me input on which colors I should use for contrast purposes. At first, I felt like she was rushing, but she told me she’s done nails for 11 years and prefers to move quickly. I love a nail tech who allows me to relax and trust them with my vision. Anyway, we began to have a conversation about children. She asked me where my baby was and told me she remembered me from the last time I was there. (I see a different nail tech each time, they’re all really good at this nail shop.) I asked her if she had any children and was surprised to hear that she didn’t. Almost every nail tech Ive ever had has multiple children, unless they’re really young. They always ask first if you have children and mention family or a husband as a conversation starter. Little did I know Krystal was about to teach me a few things about her experience in Vietnamese culture.

Over the course of 45 minutes, she explained to me that she moved away from Vietnam with her husband many years ago. She said she didn’t have any interest in having children, because she never got pregnant. She began the conversation with saying that children were too expensive, and that childbirth takes a toll on the body. She also had reservations about how long you have to be responsible for your children. I could tell there was so much more to this, but I just let her speak. We made eye contact often as she vented to me about her perspective on parenthood. After she gave me a list of reasons she “didn’t want” kids she then expressed to me that they had been trying for a long time but a baby never came. She told me she was 38, and that she felt her time had run out. She said that in Vietnam where she’s from, a woman who has no kids is deemed useless and a disgrace. It was wild to me that we were having such an intense conversation with a major language barrier between us. I understood everything she said even though her English was broken.

I asked her how the Vietnamese families feel about women who simply cannot have children, and she responded “they think- bad human.” She suggested that they feel you’re cursed and have nothing to give as a person. I could see the hurt in her eyes as she continued on with my nails. She told me her husband had no desire for kids or even a pet, but I think this is his way of comforting her. This conversation really put things into perspective for me. It made me realize how much women outside of the United States deal with in their own cultures. It made me think of how much work they would have to do to get as much “freedom” as we have here. Freedom is a really hard word to use because thats not what we have, maybe privilege is a little more fitting - I don’t know. Mentally, I was in shambles when I left the nail shop. There are so many layers to femininity and womanhood.

I felt grateful, to be a mother and experience such a blessing. I felt sad, that she may not get the chance and has convinced herself she does not want children in order to deal with the disappointment. Sad that Vietnamese women are under such scrutiny if they don’t want kids. I reassured her that, there are hard parts of parenting. There are some days you wonder what life would be like if you didn’t have a child. I reminded her of all the things her and her husband don’t really have to bother with as a couple with no children. I reassured her that its okay and normal to not want/ or be able to have children. She thanked me for our conversation and that was that. A therapy and self care session for us both.

CURATOR HIGHLIGHT - INTERVIEW WITH ARTIST DAE LEE (@DAEIZM)

Today I am sharing an interview with writer/artist Dae Lee, also known as DAEIZM. I chose to highlight Dae because he is one of the most authentic young writers I’ve come across over the years. His vulnerability, honesty and transparency is refreshing and admirable. I started following him a few years ago via social media when I lived in Los Angeles and I’ve been connected to his work ever since. Writing is such a personal form of art, it’s letting others into your heart and mind. To me, his words have so much depth and relatability. It is important for writers of color to have courage when creating art, and Dae is the perfect example of that. I thought it would be nice to get to know Dae more as a human instead of just an artist. Let’s jump right into the interview.  

 LadyFox - I’ve known you as an amazing writer for many years, and recently discovered your podcast Entropy & Dae (which I love), do you have any other artistic outlets we should know about?

Dae - Thank you so much! I really appreciate your work! I also make digital illustrations, as well as edit and design on the side. My book cover along with 2 others were designed by me.

LadyFox - What are some of the feelings that are attached to releasing something as big as a book ? - sharing something so sacred with the world ?

  Dae - A lot of it was in the name of both purpose and vulnerability. For me, that was something on my mind for quite a bit, becoming an author. It took years  and a lot of changes in my life for it to come to fruition, but the writing took - I would say maybe a year and a half. A lot of it, just like pretty much all of my work comes from a need to release and find a cathartic solution. It’s scary — but at the same time, I work on not thinking about how others receive it and how it stacks against other people’s works. You really just have to do it for yourself cause the rest of it is just a bonus.

LadyFox -Do you remember the moment or chapter of your life when you realized that writing was something you needed to do ?

 Dae- Writing has always been In my life, from storytelling, journaling to poetry and prose. I always look to understand my feelings and thoughts better through writing ,so it was really natural for me to a point that I didn’t always gravitate to the idea of pursuing it professionally until I was 21. I wanted to write something, but was busy working and felt I wouldn't have the time to actualize it until later in life. But once I got injured on the job, it changed the direction of my life in a way that sort of forced the time onto me; and here we are.

LadyFox -What are three songs you listen to on a consistent basis ?

Dae -That’s a tough one, i’m always listening to music because I enjoy making playlists— I’d go with “It’s Whatever” by Jean Deaux, “N Side” by Steve Lacy, and “RIP Fredo” by Playboi Carti ft Young Nudy. I also play The Internet every day and Frank, Smino, Iman Omari, Burna Boy, Ari Lennox, Knxwledge., Chynna, Earl Sweatshirt and BbyMutha. along with so many others, I couldn’t stick to three, haha.

LadyFox- This is a question I ask a lot but, - What does a perfect day look like for you ? 

 Dae- A perfect day for me is new music, great herb, creative & physical energy to make something new.

LadyFox -What is your definition of love ?

Dae -Intentional action meeting care, trust, sincerity and autonomy.

LadyFox -What is your favorite thing about being a Pisces ? (I'm a Pisces too- shoutout to us)

Dae- Shoutout to Pisces! And I think our capacity to care is one of my favorite things about us. A lot of people don’t know that we’re pretty enigmatic when it comes to our personality types. We can be just as cold as we are warm, just as selfish as we are giving, so I guess both our capacity to care and ability to adapt and transform.

LadyFox -What does community mean to you ? Do you realize that you are influencing the community with your art ? (This is a two for one)

 Dae -Community for me means both creating and holding space for others to water and cultivate each other.  and thank you for thinking so! Haha —I feel like one of my purposes here is to show people that they can make space(s) to explore their vulnerability, emotionally and creatively— and still feel like themselves, because all of this is a part of us. I think it’s important that we find ways to articulate our feelings even if it’s just for ourselves.

LadyFox- What are some of your go-to self care rituals ?

Dae- My go to is always to focus on my breath and make sure that I’m breathing through my diaphragm correctly. If I’m able to, I just like to be to myself and put the music on shuffle, whether it’s a playlist I just made and I’m still working on or I’m searching for something new and diving into their world.  if it’s during the night time I usually like to sit outside and just look into the sky whether it’s the moon or just planes passing by, (there’s always planes passing by in Inglewood). I like the way the air feels at night, it’s very calming and if I have the chance, I go to a beach for it to feel even better. After that I like to indulge in finding different music to listen to or finding different anime to watch.

LadyFox -What is your experience as a black creative in the present day ?

Dae- As a black creative I’d say there’s a need for me to be both aware and autonomous. So many of us are here and serve different purposes and I think it’s best to find our calling in our contributions. They’re not always monolithic, but they all can matter. My desire is to always work closely with other black creatives but also knowing that there are nuances within each community is even more important to know what speaks to you.

LadyFox- I love reading your words that speak of love. What are three things you look for in a partner?

Dae -With any partner I’m always looking for an honest and deep connection that respects and celebrates each other. I’m grateful to have that, and also have the love to express it and also share and experience that with others.

LadyFox -Where are you from/based ?

Dae- I’m from the LA area, primarily in Inglewood. My family is from this area (Inglewood) so I moved  back here about six years ago and it’s been Home since.

LadyFox -What is something that can make you smile, without a doubt ?

Dae -a baby laughing and trying to walk but falling down. Guaranteed to make me laugh every single time. Or a cat video, and if they’re fighting a person its over, haha.

LadyFox- What is your favorite snack ?

Dae- My favorite snack is Snickers. Only the 2-in-1, haha.

or Pineapple.

LadyFox- Last but not least, what is the best way to support you ? Buying your work? Listening to your podcast ? Reposting your words ? Let us know.

Dae - All of the above ! Find me on Instagram: @Daeizm

My Podcast, “Entropy & Dae”, where I talk about emotions if you’re into that is available on Apple Podcast & Spotify, or the Anchor app!

For my poetry book, MARIGOLD, as well as poetry prints for sale—you can find it on: daeizm.bigcartel.com

I hope you guys enjoyed this interview and feel a little closer to Dae. Thank you again for sharing and being so open. I can’t wait to see the things you have in store for the future. Stay tuned for the next curator highlight !

AUGUST - HIGHLIGHTING BLACK CURATORS AND COMMUNITY WORKERS

HAPPY AUGUST ! I am so excited for a new month, I love fresh starts. August is really special because I’ll be doing highlights of my favorite curators and community workers of color. There are so many people “doing the work” for the black community who don’t get enough acknowledgement. This is something that I’d like to change. Every week this month, Ill be highlighting a new artist/writer/business owner/creative with an exclusive interview right here on LADYFOX. Interviewing is a form of writing that I love because, you can really get to know someone that way. Theres something so fresh and natural about an interview, allowing someone to have a voice about their passions. The people I chose are all special and it was really hard to only choose four. I chose the most consistent, organic and humble people who just do the work without expecting anything in return.

HAPPY AND HIKING

Turner falls is one of the most beautiful places I’ve been in months. Ive only seen a waterfall a few times in my life and this one exceeded my expectations. I haven’t hiked regularly since we lived in California so it felt great. I will say that hiking is a little bit different when you have a toddler. I used my MOBY to carry Phoenix throughout the hike, and he felt asleep about 20 minutes in. Hiking is something I enjoy doing because it is a physical and spiritual form of exercise much like yoga is. I used to DREAM of hiking with my baby wrapped onto me. Moments like these have definitely come from years of manifesting.

This morning we woke up at 4:30am and drove about an hour and a half to Davis, Oklahoma where Turner Falls resides. Its a halfway point between Dallas and Oklahoma. I always plan to be the first person at tourist attractions because I don’t like heavily populated spaces. I am more at peace when nature appears to be desolate and untouched. Also, it is blazing hot, so we wanted to enjoy the water without too much heat. When we first arrived, we were a little hesitant to get in the water because it was kinda intimidating. We had no idea how deep it was, but eventually Troy got in and risked it all ! Before you know it, we were having the time of our lives. The weather was amazing and there was a nice breeze. The water was blue, you could see your feet and legs clearly underwater. There were tiny fish and turtles in the water as well. We splashed and had beer and fruit and took plenty of pictures.

After a couple hours, the park was pretty packed. We decided to hike up the mountain and explore a little bit before heading home. The hike was about level 2 in difficulty, pretty manageable. Luckily, Ive been doing a lot of cardio, so I was able to keep up even carrying Phoenix. There were caves, viewpoints and other water areas to float.

I definitely want to come back with family and friends. There are cabins available and I scoped out some airbnbs on the drive home. We paid about $30 to enter the park and it was well worth it. Especially because you get to bring whatever you want inside. We kept it light but tons of people had coolers, chairs and tents. Next time, i’m going big. One thing that was a little concerning was the amount of trash scattered about. When we first arrived I picked up all the trash that I could. It was heartbreaking to see that people were this careless about such a beautiful gift. Next time, I will bring a bag so that I can pick up more. We have to take care of this earth.

Getting out in nature is really good for my family. We spend a lot of time going from work to our apartment during the week and we all needed that fresh air. No workout in the gym can compare to the workout I got today, so Im happy about that. I hope you get the opportunity to get out into nature this summer with your people. Once piece of advice I can give you is to keep going and don’t think too hard when you’re hiking. Its so easy to want to give up or turn around but its always worth it in the end.

FINDING JOY IN THE SMALL THINGS

Sometimes on my lunch break I go to the thrift store and wander around. I found a cute little bowl, a vintage ash tray, a really nice New Mexico-ish clay vase, and a cool shirt that ill make into a crop top. I think I spent four dollars total. I got lost in this store and had to speed back to work before my hour was up. Lately, Ive been prioritizing my needs a lot. My one hour lunch break has been a nice time to read or nap, even shop if I want to. For some reason, less guilt comes with keeping this 60 minutes all to myself.

The second half of summer is still quite eventful. Ive been planning for my partner and I’s five year anniversary. Ive been really into redecorating our apartment and upgrading a lot of furniture. I have been working out four to five times a week as well. I am in a really creative space right now and have ideas flying out of my soul non stop. I want to remind you, when you’re feeling really creative and have an idea. Stop what you’re doing and write down your thought and idea before you lose it. You will not remember it the same when you try. The intensity of it won’t be the same and the delivery won’t be the same. If you side step your vision, the universe will assume it isn’t the right time. Im catching ALL OF MINE.

As I’ve said before 2019 feels really special. She is different, she is fearless and a downright savage. A lot of my joy has come from being intentional about every little thing. Smiling as I peruse the thrift store and enjoying that time. Slowly eating a plum that is equally sour and sweet and being thankful for it. Standing on my feet, even when I am tired to make myself a satisfying meal without skipping those extra steps that make it taste so good. All things are abundant if you believe they are.

PHOENIX BRINGS COACHELLA TO TEXAS FOR 2ND BIRTHDAY

Last weekend we celebrated Phoenix’s second birthday, “P-Chella”. When deciding on themes for his parties, we like to do the unexpected for a kids party. Last year, the theme for his birthday was a DIY kickback, which was in the evening (because Texas summers are blazing.) But it was a hit ! Phoenix only has about 4 baby cousins/friends, so I like to produce themes and an atmosphere thats fun for the adults too. Phoenix and his dads birthday fall 6 days apart, so we generally celebrate them both at the same time.

I don’t like to spend a lot of money on parties, so creativity is a must to execute a nice function. The most expensive thing was probably the Airbnb we rented, which was perfect for the theme. The space was a really laid back guest home in The Heights area of Houston. Lots of tree shade, style, and eclectic decor. I searched for an Airbnb with a pool, because Phoenix loves the water. All of the cool Coachella stays have a nice pool set up. This pool also had a slide, which was a nice feature. When we arrived, I was pleasantly surprised by the pool area which gave us tons of space to transform. The pool was chlorine free, with natural salt water which was refreshing. Most Airbnb hosts don’t allow parties, so I had to do a little finessing to make this happen.

His party started at 4pm, all of our friends and family trickled in and we ate, drank and swam. We listened to music and really just enjoyed each others company. I am still looking back at the pictures and videos wishing I could rewind. Giving my son awesome birthday parties is something I take pride in. I love birthdays ! Everyone doesn’t get to always see the next age, or progress to a new year. Life is a celebration and I want him to look back when he’s older and see how much he’s celebrated. I will always go hard for my babies birthday !

If you are thinking of throwing a party for your kid soon here are some mom hacks :

• Buy a helium tank and blow up your own balloons. This is cheaper than ordering balloons from Party City by the dozen, and you can pick your own cool custom balloons. Last year we used two helium tanks, this year we only needed one because we had a smaller space.

• DIY a party banner. This will save you money on unnecessary decor and add personalization. We had two banners this year, one inside and one outside, The P-Chella sign really brought the aesthetic together. Get some paint and buy a roll of wrapping paper. I made both of these signs in less than 15 minutes.

• Put cool stuff in party bags, don’t waste money on tiny plastic dinosaurs or noisemakers because they will disappear before the kids even get home. This year, instead of pre-making party bags we had empty bags that kids put their piñata candy in. We also put out play-doe, sunglasses, lollipops and bubbles. This way parents can select what they want their child to have. You also avoid food allergies. Its fun for kids to pick the specific items to add to their bags on the way out. This also eliminates meltdowns from having to leave.

• Don’t be afraid of the dollar store ! - I got streamers and other nicnacs from Dollar Tree. Go to dollar stores first, get what you need or what grabs your eye and then go to Target and Party stores last. I am a sucker for target, but I refuse to get everything from there.

• SPLURGE ON FOOD, ALCOHOL AND YOUR OUTFIT - If you look good, you feel good. This goes for you and your child. You can more confidently entertain if you look good. Any party my family has is a nice turn up, so make sure the drinks are flowing. Lastly food, make sure you have enough. This year I bought a lot of groceries and things that could be made in the oven. I think every party should have a fruit tray, cheese and crackers tray, a colorful salad and vegan options. We went for a compilation of pizza, tamales, wings, chicken strips. Troy loves the vegan Oreo cake at Whole Foods, so I picked that up and my mom brought cupcakes.

• WAKE UP EARLY - Make sure you give yourself enough time to prepare for the party so you aren’t scrambling around before it starts. Honestly, you could have the best decorations and expensive venue, but if the vibes aren’t right then it means nothing.

• Most importantly - Have fun, so much preparation goes into parties, have fun and let loose. After all, you’ve succeeded at another year of parenthood.

Two is such a special age, we’ve been singing happy birthday to Phoenix for the past 6 months. We wanted him to have somewhat of an understanding of what was going on. I am so excited for next year, because he will KNOW it’s his day. I hand-made his invitations with so much love in my heart. I thought it was so cute to see a lot of people dressed for the Coachella theme.

At the end of the night once everyone left, we just relaxed and a couple friends stayed and hung out. We watched tv with the Roku stick and I opened Phoenixs gifts and snacked. The whole day was beautiful and we were TIRED.

Thank you for reading ! Comment below if you have anymore tips to add to the mom hack list. Also, what are some traditions you have in your family for birthdays ?

BIRTH STORY IN HONOR OF CANCER SEASON

I began to have mild contractions at home on 4th of July evening. I made tacos and Troy had come home early from work. I was pacing around the house a lot, googling birth and contraction facts. My dog Kane was pacing too ! The pains I had were faint, but grew by the hour. They began to happen closer together and became more intense. Once my contractions were really painful I kept feeling the urge to sit on the toilet, so I did (a million times). We had already gone to the doctor 2 days prior because I could feel Phoenix coming. They told me he wouldn’t be arriving anytime soon but I knew otherwise. He wasn’t due for another week.

My water broke with a LOUD pop sound right there on the toilet. My “hospital bag” was semi packed. We grabbed a few more things we needed and got in the car. By then, my contractions were CRAZY. The drive to the hospital was a dark , LENGTHY eighteen minutes. My water broke twice in the car (we had no towels). There was water everywhere. With that, came more pain. Troy was driving pretty fast, I felt every bump in the cement on the way there. At the time, I was thinking about the pain ahead and how much pushing may hurt. I was praying all the lights would stay green as we approached. My sweatpants were soaked and Troy and I were both nervous. The ride to the hospital was definitely a movie scene. At the red lights, I would glance over at Troy wondering how different our lives would be after all of this.

A lot of the check-in process and procedures were honestly a blur. When we got in the hospital we couldn’t remember where the labor area was, even though we’d taken a tour a month prior. I was in labor for almost a full day. There was a lot of sleeping and waking back up, then sleeping some more. I was on several different medications which caused me to shiver uncontrollably. My mom made me tea and we just talked and I slept many hours. I wanted my experience to be calm. I am a private person and I didn’t want many people there when I gave birth. My mom flew in from Texas, so it was just us three. Looking back, Im really glad I did it that way.

Even though my water had broken Phoenix was taking his time entering the world. We were glad because we didn’t want him to share his birth day with “Independence Day”. Finally after 20 something hours, it was time to push. I asked for the lights to be out, so there was only one tiny spotlight above my bed. I held my legs with a cool towel over my face and after 30 minutes of pushing, there was my son. Pushing took real strength. Strength I didn’t know I had. The release I felt when he finally was out of my body felt like freedom and lightening. He came out silent but his eyes were open and he was checking us all out. The moment was really emotional and happy. An exhilarating happiness. When he came out, he had rich chocolate skin. He was beautiful. Bringing him earth-side was my biggest accomplishment ever.

Here's a special shot from when I was pregnant (on our babymoon) and when Phoenix was a day or two old. Now our baby is almost TWO YEARS OLD.

What three words would you use to describe your birth experience?

IGOR FOR PRESIDENT

Right now I am obsessed with Tyler the Creator’s new album “Igor”. I listen to it everyday - all day. In the future when I hear this album I bet it’ll remind me of this season, which I love. My favorite tracks are “Earfquake” (DUH), “Igors Theme”, “Running Out Of Time”, “Puppet”, “I Don’t Love You Anymore”, and lastly “Are We Still Friends”. Basically the whole album. I can listen to this on the way to work, while i’m cleaning up or in the shower. This album is one big love story and I love this soft side of Tyler. There are a lot of people who feel indifferent about the album, but it’s because they don’t understand it. Igor is more than an album, its an experience.