CONSCIOUS CONSUMERISM X THRIFTING

I wanted to open the dialogue about conscious consumerism, fast fashion, and minimalism. Conscious consumerism considers the social, environmental, and political impact of the products being bought. Often times, we buy things without considering how it effects the earth. We don’t think about who we’re supporting when we make certain purchases. There are companies we buy from every week that use underage and underpaid children in sweatshops across the globe to produce clothing in mass amounts. These clothes are then sold to people like us, by someone who is very wealthy and depending on our dollar to keep them that way. We spend twenty and forty dollars (or more) every week due to their appealing branding and advertising. These 20 and 40 dollar items are poorly made, will only last two washes, so then we return to purchase more. This is fast fashion.

Conscious consumerism is making the effort to buy things that increase your quality of life. This can look like buying things you love and filling your wardrobe with pieces that look good on you, fit well and will last a lifetime. Conscious consumerism can look like buying things that are ethically made. I cannot yet afford a collection of ethically made clothing, but if I could I’d have a closet full. Another popular option is shopping local, or from small business which is an awesome way to support community. A cheaper way to consume consciously is thrifting. Buy clothes that people are recycling for your use, this makes it affordable for you and the earth ! My favorite thing about thrifting is the one of a kind pieces that you won’t see on anyone else.

Thrifting has always been something I enjoyed. My thrifting journey began in high school when I started to define my personal style. This is a hobby I’ve enjoyed for over ten years ! My relationship with it has evolved over time and now I feel like I’m a pro at it. When I first started to thrift I would buy EVERYTHING I liked, because it was so cheap. Eventually when I got to college, I realized my whole wardrobe was filled with things I didn’t like anymore, couldn’t fit, had a hole in it. I would buy things that were too big and say “I’ll just get it tailored”, but I never did.

I learned to have more discernment when thrifting. Now when I thrift, I ask myself a few questions. How often can I wear this ? Is this a statement piece or a daily wear piece ? Is it good quality? I treat the thrift store like a regular store and shop as I normally would instead of having the “everything is cheap” mentality. Ive become very strict on what I allow into my wardrobe, it is very sacred to me. I average one or two items per visit when thrift shopping. I’ve learned to mix my thrifted pieces with high end pieces to build my capsule. I would say my closet is 50 percent thrifted and 50 percent high end. Most of my shoes and tops are high end, leaving bottoms and dresses to mostly be thrifted. This is a concept I discovered when committing to minimalism.

My wardrobe is small. I wear the same things over and over but in different combinations. My clothing lasts forever because it is well made. Its either a heavy duty, vintage piece or something new, kinda pricey and carefully crafted. The only downside to this is that you can’t dump all of your clothes into the washer, you really have to gently wash your clothes. In these pictures I have on a vintage one piece leotard that I’ve had for at least 7 years and a thrifted skirt I got this year. My shoes are expensive, but were a gift from my boyfriend. I wouldn’t spend over $120 on ANY shoe. My earrings and rings are quite expensive but I do wear them almost everyday.

I will post soon about basics/capsule collections for those wanting to focus on the foundation of their closet.

MEJURI COLLABORATION & "DOING THE WORK"

I was very happy to receive my next piece from Mejuri. They sent me the ‘Layered Spheres Necklace’ and I am absolutely in love with it. This necklace really highlights my collarbone because of the almost choker length. The design of this necklace is gorgeous. I love the simplicity of the piece, and also the subtle texture of the spheres. This is going to be a summer favorite.

June has come with so much spiritual and emotional growth for me. I want to talk about DOING THE WORK and its relation to coming into your higher self. Doing the work is acknowledging and preparing to become the best version of yourself that you could possibly be. For me, doing the work consisted of the following things :

• Looking back into my past and reflecting on how my experiences as a child effected who I am today. I wrote down everything I could remember about my childhood and I had separate conversations with my parents about childhood experiences, homes we lived in and certain questions I had. This allowed me to understand why I made certain decisions and how I was introduced to certain emotions.

• Making a list of things I want to accomplish, developing a plan to execute them and then celebrating the small wins along the way.

• BEING PRODUCTIVE, productivity is a big part of my self care. If I utilize my time poorly I feel really bad about it. When I have a productive day, I feel really good about myself. Ways I encourage myself to be productive is staying hydrated, eating when I need to, keeping my toddler satisfied and putting effort into my appearance. These things will keep me energized and in a mindset to get things done.

• Letting myself feel hurt and sad. Allowing myself to cry when I want to cry. Feel those painful things. That way it can just pass instead of rushing my way through. The only way out is through.

• Staying true to myself. Saying no when I want to say no, letting people know when they’ve crossed a boundary of mine. Removing myself from uncomfortable situations. Not feeling guilty for choosing myself.

• LISTENING TO MY INTUITION has made life so much more abundant for me. In the past I would hear my intuition loud and clear, but ignore it because I was moving too fast to digest the directions. Choosing to live a calmer lifestyle with less obligations to things I don’t really subscribe to has allowed me to have a relationship with myself, and naturally my intuition.

There are so many more things than this, but this is the list of my work. Being consistent has helped me avoid depression and so much anxiety that I felt before. I can feel happy cells dancing around in my body. This is the happiest I’ve been consistently in a long time. I know this joy has come from doing the work. Doing the work is a trash phase, it hurts, you don’t look cute, you’re not glowing and you don’t feel creative. When you overcome you pretty much levitate into such a grateful mind state and the simplest things keep you happy. I know that bad days will come but I am equipped to handle them. I have the tools, now.

If you know you need to do the work, start today. It really never ends, but life just gets better and better. I am here to help if you need it. What does doing the work look like to you ? Comment below

JUNE IS GROOVY

Summer is here and it feels really good. Not the heat itself, but the sudden change and energy that comes with warmth. All of a sudden, theres a more laid back approach to life. Summer brings more naps, more cold drinks, less clothing, and time outdoors. A lot of change is coming with the summer this year. We have a lot of important decisions to make and there’s something to do every weekend it seems like. Summer is a “fun” busy and I hope it continues.

Right now, I am planning a second birthday for Phoenix. I feel confident in my party planning skills, which I think I get from my mother. I love to host, and decorate for celebrations. I’ve always considered myself quite festive. This year, his birthday is Coachella themed. I am very excited to share the content for that next month.

May 3rd I learned that I passed my certification to become a High School English teacher. I have been in this program for a little over a year. I didn’t make an announcement about it at first because I like to quietly accomplish things I am passionate about. My vision and my goals are really sacred to me until they unfold. In my past, Ive learned that sometimes its best to keep your dreams to yourself. If you share your dreams, this allows people to put their own thoughts about your goals into the universe. It also allows people to project their fears onto you. If I failed, I wanted to fail in peace without judgement until I had the strength to try again. Ive never been a good test taker but I passed with flying colors and I WEPT when I received the email.

Studying with a baby is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It just makes me realize how much I COULD have been doing before he got here. My family and friends were happy for me and most importantly, I was happy for myself. Now I am trying to figure out the best way to slide into my career while still balancing my family and the rest of the goals I have set for myself, life is sweet.

Its surreal to see how fast this year is flying by. I was so serious this year about goal setting, and following through and making self alterations that would positively effect me long term. The older I get the better I understand the concept of time. The year is halfway gone and I have accomplished a lot. When New Years comes this year, I want to be proud of 2019. So far, so good.

If you have come this far into the year and feel unproductive you still have 6 months left to turn things around. Your whole life could change in half a year. Write down your goals and get to it. Its really that simple.

Last weekend I wanted to wear something simple but still give a summer vibe. We went to brunch and did some Whole Foods grocery shopping (this is a special every now and then grocery splurge.) My top is thrifted, skirt is from Zara. My shoes are from Madewell as well as my earrings !

What is your favorite part about the summer so far and do you feel proud of your progress this year ?

UNCONVENTIONAL THERAPY

The past week & a half has been a little challenging. Troy went out of town for work and its been just Phoenix and I. Every time we are without his dad for an extended amount of time I am reminded of how things would be if I were a single mother. There is so much to do and so little time to do it when you have no help. I am kinda proud of myself as this experience is coming to an end. I was able to keep us both alive, fed and happy for the most part. We rested most of the weekend but Sunday evening I decided to get out of the house.

One of my favorite self love practices are to go to stores I love and try things on. The most beautiful and lavish things that I cannot yet afford. We went to Anthropologie and I tried on several bathing suits and dresses. There is something really satisfying about seeing new colors and prints on my skin. Sometimes I do fall in love with pieces I have to go back for on payday. Oftentimes, the browsing and trying things on is enough therapy for me. Phoenix let me peacefully try on each bathing suit as he watched his Ipad. I remember being in fitting rooms as a little girl with my fashionista Granny who was always shopping ! This feeling was nostalgic for me.

As I tried on each bathing suit I took time to appreciate my physical being and all it has brought me through. Sometimes you have to give yourself a fashion show.

As individuals we all have our odd self care activities that just work for us! Exploring and getting out of the house is usually all I need. What are some unconventional self practices you do for yourself ?

SUNDAYS AT THE CAROUSEL <3

One of the coolest things about parenthood are all the firsts. Your child’s first words, first basketball game, first anything really is a big deal. This day was Phoenix’s first time riding the carousel, although he wasn’t impressed at all ! It reminded me of his first birthday where he barely cracked a smile the entire party. His dad and I enjoyed it though. Im excited for when he’s a teenager and we look back on these pictures together and I tell him what he was like as a baby. This carousel downtown was only four bucks for all three of us to ride. I will miss how kid friendly and financially minimal Oklahoma City is once we move. Its so easy to have an effortless, stress free day here. Sunday is our day where we try to get out as family and do something cute ! What are some weekly rituals you and your family share ?

MEJURI COLLABORATION + COFFEE RUN <3

I was really excited when Mejuri reached out to me recently about a possible collaboration. I love their minimal jewelry and working with them was a dream before this opportunity came. They sent me some options of pieces to choose from. I chose the “Daisy Medallion” necklace. I wore it for the first time on a coffee run to my favorite local shop in OKC “Leaf and Bean”. This brand is parallel with my style.

Outfit Deets :

Earrings: Madewell

Necklace : Mejuri :)

Top : BCBG Maxazria

Pants : American Apparel

Shoes: Urban Outfitters

Bag : Thrifted

See all Mejuri has to offer at www.Mejuri.com

NIPSEY FOR THE CULTURE & MELANCHOLY VIBES CONTINUED

Photograph by Awol Erizku

This week was my first time actually being “sad” this year. Sunday, Nipsey Hussle was shot and killed and it effected me in the darkest way. Celebrity deaths usually don’t have this big of an effect on me emotionally. I think maybe considering his significant other made me sad. He was only 33 years old, and he had kids. To me, it seemed like they were getting right where they wanted to be as a family. They were just starting to be acknowledged from all the silent moves they’d been making. They just did a FLAWLESS GQ SPREAD promoting black love. Couple interviews, and rumored to have gotten married low-key and out of public eye. They just moved so gracefully which is unexpected from superstar rappers & actresses. You could see how much they loved each other and how happy they were. I can’t imagine experiencing such a loss in the midst of a winning season. On Monday when I woke up and remembered he really died, a dark cloud was over my entire day. I could not shake the feeling I had. It felt like I’d lost a friend.

A few weeks ago, I was at work listening to a bunch of his interviews on Youtube to pass time and he really inspired me. I remember telling Troy about the knowledge I took away from him. Not even a month later, gone. I never really listened to his music, but his interviews were such a gift to me. Him, Two Chains and 21 Savage are so good at interviews and articulating life in such a relatable way. I wasn’t the same after listening to his words, he made me wanna go harder and follow through with my endeavors. His death was a reminder of how fragile life is. It made me feel guilty of thing things I take for granted and honestly just made me feel robbed, unsettled and scared. I had to take some time away from social media because his face is everywhere. The headlines were too much. I am obviously not the only one who is mourning this tragedy in this way. In general a lot of my worries and anxiety come from fear of time, his death placed my fears at my feet.

I am glad I got to see him in concert twice. He just had so much heart. I feel like he was a sacrifice for our generation and for black culture. I know I wasn’t the only one taking notes from him and I’ll forever be grateful for his knowledge. In one particular interview, he talked about how one should take the time to figure out who they are. Get to know yourself relentlessly, find out what you believe in and then live and die by that. These words really stuck with me and have been all I can think about.

This week having some time away from social media has allowed me to monitor my emotions closely. Ive been a little more present at work and at home as well. Last week, I did a pretty good job at eating clean, resting and processing thoughts. Sometimes I forget how simple life is until I take a break from social media where I am overexposed to so many things daily. I do really like social media, I love the creative space and platform. I get a lot of inspiration from Instagram but, I also think its easy to forget your perspective when you are constantly absorbing everyone else’s point of view. A break here and there allows you to come back to yourself for a moment.

Today is one week since he was killed, I am feeling more accepting. I hope this week feels lighter and more positive, Im sure thats what he would want. What is your relationship with death like ? How do you mourn losses that are near or distant ?

MELANCHOLY FRIDAY x PREGNANCY REFLECTION

Today I am feeling a little put off. It is the weekend and pay day but I cannot shake this rut I am in. I was looking online at this bag I want to buy, but was being indecisive as hell about it so I gave up. Recently, I did one of those “ask me something” buttons on Instagram and it was really interesting. I would love to be more of an open person, so I thought that would be a small way to start. It seems that people are most interested in my experience with pregnancy-motherhood/having a family.

In answering the questions related to pregnancy I realized how much I don’t remember about being pregnant. My experience wasn’t that long ago, but a lot of it seems like a big blur. Also the first four months of Phoenix’s life are kind of a blur too.

Honestly the brain fog just went away a few months ago. There was a long time where I just forgot a lot of things about myself. Like, what kind of music I like or what my favorite snacks are. I didn’t realize how actually disconnected I was from myself for so long. I really wasn’t interested in fashion or excited about clothes. I think I was so focused on growing and learning to be a mother that I subconsciously pushed my interests to the back of my mind. I didn’t have a big preference about anything having to do with myself.

Side Note : As I am typing this Phoenix is on the other end of the couch laughing hysterically at his show. This is new. He now knows what is funny to him and finds things humorous. Before he would kinda just gaze at his shows but now he has an understanding of the shows plot and a real human reaction to it. That is WILD to me.

Anyway, Now I have such a preference on things that didn’t matter for so long. I think when I have my second child, my experience will be a little less shocking to my mind. I will know what to expect to a certain extent. I think I will read less and obsess less over baby information and try to be more present mentally. Maybe this fog cannot be avoided, but I think I can be tapered.

This picture was taken by Troy, he took a picture of the sunrise while we were in the car. I was asleep and when I woke up, he’d sent this to me. This is the abstract romance that I live for.

Im gonna go clean. I hope all is well with you guys and that you have a refreshing weekend. Spring is amongst us.

FAMILY TRIP TO NEW MEXICO

New Mexico is hands down one of my favorite states to visit. This was our second time going and I can’t wait to go back again. A lot of people confuse Mexico and New Mexico. New Mexico is a south western desert state wedged between Texas, Colorado, Arizona and Mexico. The small town we visit is called Abiquiu which is about 53 miles away from Santa Fe. In general New Mexico is known for its vibrant art scene, and is also known as the “Land of Enchantment”. The mountains and ducked off, desolate vibes is what I love. There’s barely any cell phone reception which encourages you to relax and take it easy for a couple of days. There is so much history and spirituality there.

This time, Phoenix (who wasn’t born yet last time) and my close friend of ten years accompanied Troy and I. We took an 8 hour drive from Oklahoma City to New Mexico which was more and more beautiful the closer we got. The main thing on my agenda was to visit the Georgia O Keefe home and studio. Georgia was a famous American artist and it was really surreal to be in her home. She had such a strong sense of style and design. Unfortunately, no photos were allowed on the tour. I’ve never seen a home this eclectic. There are plenty of photos online if you’re interested in checking it out. She passed away in 1986 at the age of 98. Georgia was an adventurous, and brilliant woman. I felt her presence as we explored throughout her home.

I knew a trip to New Mexico was the perfect speed for us, having a toddler. Traveling is completely different as a parent. I was happy to have my homegirls company as she is such a good aunt to Phoenix. Its comforting to have friends around you who will help you buckle the baby into the carseat or entertain him while you get dressed. I am very thankful and fortunate to have friends who are active in my sons life. I always wanted a sister, and never got one. All of my close girlfriends are a mixture of the ideal sister.

We mainly ate, relaxed and did some light exploring. Our Airbnb was a gorgeous adobe home filled with art and everything you could possibly need for a bomb getaway. New Mexico has some amazing thrift stores and shops. We also had a chance to go hiking in our little village.

It is important to me for Phoenix to travel, even as a young person. I love making memories with my friends and family. New Mexico is a hidden gem.

Here are some memories from the trip :)

DATE NIGHT - Tatyana Fazlalizadeh : "Oklahoma Is Black" at Oklahoma Contemporary

On Sunday we visited Oklahoma Contemporary to see the “Oklahoma Is Black” exhibit by Tatyana Fazlalizadeh. This was hands down the most moving exhibit I’ve ever experienced. Tatyana is an Oklahoma native who now dwells in New York. Through her work she is confronting those who attempted to erase us completely. Her work is not for empathy or to gain respect from white people but for them to see us existing, celebrating and being loved.

Tatyana has so much talent that it is visually overwhelming. She has a way of capturing the actual essence of blackness. Love was all I felt as we entered the exhibit. I think right now is such an important time for me to visit this exhibition considering the lack of black celebration in Oklahoma. I have experienced more prejudice here in the past two years than I have my whole life. It would have been nice to see this exhibit at the “Project Row” houses in my hometown, but I am still very thankful for the experience. Maybe seeing it in Oklahoma added power to my interpretations.

The mood of the gallery gave me a Solange “When I get home” tone as far as the contemporary simplicity of black beauty displayed. She had old school family portraits and black culture all throughout. There are black roots here in Oklahoma and this exhibit was a reminder of that. I remember Troy telling me about Black Wallstreet, a community in Tulsa Oklahoma that was very successful in the early twentieth century. This was a thriving black community in Greenwood with black owned banks, grocery stores, beauty supply stores, hospitals and car dealerships. This place was basically Wakanda, and it was burned to the ground by white supremacists leaving families in despair. Tatyana really is putting on for Oklahoma and its history in this exhibit.

I felt beautiful and accepted in this space. I felt comfortable like I was in a room with my family. All of the art was relatable and nostalgic. Seeing black motherhood and black family pictures really was relaxing. The words she used in her art were everyday thoughts we have as black people. It was all of our woes and all of our magic in a very transparent but loving light. It felt alright to be black and strong.

There were video installations throughout the studio. There was also an activity area with mirrors to draw your reflection which was really neat to see. Phoenix behaved and let his dad and I enjoy which is was nice of him. I like where we are right now as far as Black culture. I am really proud to be black and be a black mother. Proud to be a black creative. Art is something that cannot be silenced and thats my favorite part about it. There are no limits with art.

I deeply encourage everyone to try and see this exhibit. Visit her Instagram @tlynnfaz for more information. She also has prints and merch available.

Photos taken by Troy Fox and yours truly. We tried the iPhone XS camera and loved how these shots came out.

Have you seen this exhibit already? Lets talk about it !

ON SPIRITUALITY : WHY I STOPPED READING MY HOROSCOPE FOR 6 MONTHS

Self awareness is the main focus within my personal spiritual health. Paying close attention to my thoughts, energy and habits keep me close to myself. I analyze how I’m expressing myself and how certain people and situations make me feel. I bookmark my reactions while living life. Through journaling, meditating and focusing inward I have a good grip on my emotions and overall mood. This is an accomplishment that came with heartache and self acceptance.

I have always been intrigued by horoscopes, zodiac, crystals and the stars in general. It is in my nature to connect to symbolism and meaning. I find comfort (spiritually), in thinking that my steps are already ordered and I have to just let go and let be. My spiritual journey initially started out with the physical aspect. In college, practicing yoga was a big thing for me. Connecting to the breath, and feeling my muscles strengthen gave me a high. It wasn’t until I graduated and taught yoga, that I started to focus more on what I actually “believe” in. At this moment in my life, I am still searching for a more definitive belief. What I follow in my day to day is, do good and good will come to you.

Currently I am still fascinated by zodiac and horoscopes. I have become less interested in collecting stones, and physical trinkets. Right now, I use Palo Santo a few times a week to cleanse my home or refresh my family and I’s energy. I also still study the stars and spiritual practices. I can sometimes predict someones zodiac sign by being around them, and I do think astrology and daily life intertwine. I am still very apprehensive about tarot and readings and I think thats okay, to each its own. Spiritual practice is supposed to feel comforting and uplifting.

Mid last year, I realized that I was consumed by my daily horoscopes/projections. I began to feel discouraged if I read something that didn’t align with my plans. The “mercury retrograde” began to be decaying and a little claustrophobic. During certain moon phases and times of the year it isn’t best to start new projects or travel. These concepts limited my creative surge, so I stopped reading it all for six months. I deleted my app that gave me daily insight on what a Pisces is to expect. I muted my favorite Insta-witches posts. I disregarded conversations about the mercury retrograde and what sign the moon was in at the time.Knowing when to pull back and rest gave me peace.

Now, I can read about the moon without letting it overwhelm me. Taking space from the subject allowed me to healthily ingest this information. Now, I can read it and understand that it does not have to change how I move. I don’t have to be fearful of obstacles or misfortunes because they are simply a part of life.

My spiritual journey still continues, as I learn new things each day. I hope that I encourage someone who has been through something similar to pace yourself with all the information presented to us in this day and age. Everything in moderation. I can enjoy the mystery of life without worrying and I hope you can too. This information should be a light guide and not a stressor.

MY 28TH SOLAR RETURN

Pisces season in general has me feeling very creative, sensual and overprotective. Last week when I was out and about I was more fearful of mishaps and watchful of strangers. I felt a major intuition alert to protect myself and Phoenix. I’ve been feeling positive and optimistic. I still have that fresh New Year energy. Also, I’ve had tears of joy a lot lately which I never do. I am extremely in touch with everything I am feeling at the moment.

My birthday this year was on a Monday. The weather was chilly, cloudy but very calming. I wanted my actual birthday to be very simple and restorative. Id spent much of the weekend celebrating with friends and family. The boys and I did a series of very common things like have lunch, take a walk to the park and had ice-cream together. I’ve learned, the simpler your birthday plans are, the more fun you will have. Ive spent too many birthdays imagining them for weeks, then they're the total opposite of what I dreamt of. Ive learned to just go with the flow to avoid disappointment and unnecessary pressure to have the perfect day. One thing we did want to do was wear something nice. We love a good reason to dress up a little. I wore a 100 percent silk slip dress (thrifted) with the sneakers troy got me for my birthday. He wore a casual suit which he looked really handsome in.

We ate at “Local Foods” in The Heights Houston. This is a good lunch spot. Troy and I both had sandwiches. This is a farm to table type of spot. The drinks we had were great and the ambiance was bright and vibrant.

We walked over to Donovan Park which was a suggested park by a friend of mine. No-one was at the park at all, so we had it to ourselves. In retrospect, we didn’t see one person the entire time we were there. It was nice to have that moment with just us three. The experience was kinda dreamy as the park is fairly large. As soon as we started to hear the thunder clap we had to leave the park but decided to get ice-cream before heading to the car. We got hit by many rain drops in route to the ice-cream place but it was worth it.

All photos taken with Sony A6000 on Feb 25, 2019.

OVERCAST WEEKEND IN HOUSTON

Last weekend, Phoenix and I had some quality time while Troy was out of town. We did a lot of visiting friends/family. We also stopped at various parks around the city in between plans. At one park we stopped at I met a guy whose name I can’t remember. He was a psychiatrist and did many years of therapy work. He was pushing his daughter Ana on the swing next to us. Ana was a little older than Phoenix, maybe two years old.

I love the social respect between stranger parents. Its so easy to chat with someone solely because of parenthood. We had a conversation about what it’s like to be a first time parent. He was much older than me but those are my favorite conversations. In the past few years, I’ve realized that I have so much to learn from strangers, co-workers and people who don’t know a lot about me. I enjoy discussions with people who are older because theres always something valuable to learn from them. Being strangers can make a conversation so organic. No preconceived notions or need to compete or impress.

I picked his brain about child development questions (free baby diagnostic LOL). I also asked him about his thoughts on the current mental health wave and we briefly discussed the CBD craze. We talked about all things mental health for about 45 minutes as we pushed our kids. I appreciated him being a father at the park with his daughter. He really was enjoying her and enjoying her interaction with Phoenix.

Once it started to get cold we said goodbye and left. I took a few things away from this conversation that ALL mothers should hear. He said that 80 percent of the information we google about our babies is inaccurate ; that all babies grow and do things at their own rate. He informed me that none of the external factors are considered on these websites with baby milestones. He also told me to never diagnose my child from internet information and that my instinct is the safest advice. I know this sounds so simple - like something I should already know. But, it feels so good to hear the confirmation from a professional.

Phoenix is starting to love the park. I tried to take him when he was 12 months or so, but he wasn’t interested. Im going to make it a point to take him to the most beautiful parks I can find. The swing is his favorite thing, he can swing for hours. If you want a therapeutic hang out for you and baby - I suggest the park.

These shots were taken at ‘The Menil Collection’ 2/2/19 by Houston based Photographer Delicia Walker.

To see more of her work visit her website : www.deliciaphotography.com

IG : @delicia.e.photos

WHAT IS IT LIKE LIVING IN THE MIDWEST ?

When we first relocated to Oklahoma City, I honestly experienced culture shock. Growing up in Houston and coming straight from LA to Oklahoma was a major transition. I spent the first 6 months trying to accept our move and trying to understand why the universe sent us here. I knew when Troy and I got together that we wanted to travel and live different places, but it’s easier said than done. Now that Ive been here a little over two years, I love it.

Oklahoma City is a very quaint place. When I go to target or to the grocery store, I usually see someone I know. Theres no real traffic here and everywhere you need to go is fairly close. Ive fallen in love with the beauty of Oklahoma nature. Theres a lot of lush open land and real seasons. In the fall theres so many colors, real snow in the winters. The sunsets everyday are panoramic and breathtaking. Oklahoma City is big on agriculture, so the farmers markets are bomb. At night you can see the stars, theres no city fog. In the summers, you can hear crickets and nature so loudly.

One time I went to get a pizza and after I ordered I realized I’d left my wallet at home. The owner told me to just pay him next time, small-town charm. When ambulances drive by people pull over WAY BEFORE the ambulance is near, there’s respect for emergency. On Sundays its a quiet ghost town, people are inside with their families. Everything is cheap ! Gas is cheap, cost of living is cheap. OKC has so many thrift stores and thriving family owned businesses. I have a lot of little quaint shops I like to visit. We’ve scouted out the almost city like “artsy-hipster” area. We’ve found our favorite museum and brunch spots.

One major downside is that there is no diversity. Often, we are the only people of color when we go to an establishment. It makes us appreciate home so much more when we visit. It is tough being far removed from your roots, we miss our family a lot. I know being away from instant help has made me grow tremendously, figuring things out on my own. I think everyone should experience moving away from everything you know, so you can get more familiar with yourself. When my friends visit they always say they feel so at peace and relaxed which I love.

In retrospect, this was the perfect place for me to be pregnant, become a mother. Live that slow calm life for a couple of years and give birth to a new me. Being here has allowed me to experience a judgment free life, because no-one knows what i’m doing day to day. Living here gave me an opportunity to nurture my relationship with my partner and raise my toddler without much unsolicited advice. Living in a big city can sometimes distract you from what you feel is true. You can create and live in your own reality while being comfortable in your own nature. I’m a completely different person than I was when we got here. This is the last year we will be here so I’m soaking it all in !

All photos taken by me with SONY A6000 in Goldsby, Oklahoma.

REALISTIC SELF CARE PRACTICES

“Self care” is a concept that has exploded over the past few years. I love the shamelessness about doing what feels good for you and your body. The attention on individuality and mental health is extremely satisfying to me. When I think about self care, I think about how we’re on autopilot most of the time. We tend to robotically move through time only stopping to sleep. We are all just going going going until we crash.

Commercially self care is seen as a warm baths, face masks and yoga classes. While I agree that a bath bomb and some asanas can put you in a better mood, I have some more realistic forms of self care that (I believe) have more beneficial and immediate results. In college, I studied community health/ health science. I learned a lot about the needs of our bodies in direct correlation to how we react to life on a day to day basis. The need for emergency self care presents itself when we have gone too long without balance and listening to what our body is telling us.

Here are some of the self care practices that I live by:

1. CLEAN UP : If your space is clean, you will feel clean. Clean your apartment or room from top to bottom and this will automatically make you feel productive and clear minded. (Clean all counter-spaces, do laundry, clean the bathroom. THE WORKS!!) - When I’m cleaning I zone out and completely forget about the outside world. This also gives me time to sort my thoughts without interruption.

2. DO THAT THING YOU’VE BEEN AVOIDING : Nothing takes up space in your brain like suppressing that one task you need to do. Take that bag of clothes to the Goodwill like you said you would two weeks ago. Call your annoying relative back that you don’t want to talk to but feel guilty for curving. Call that bill collector and ask for that extension. Finish the assignment now instead of procrastinating and waiting until the last minute. Once you do this one thing, you will feel that weight off of your shoulders.

3. ENERGY BALANCING : If you’ve been spending too much time alone, get out with a friend. If you’ve been spending too much time around people, take 5 or 6 hours of hibernation, no phones or outside interaction. I personally, am around my son and his dad a lot. When I notice my energy imbalance, I am usually in need of feminine energy. I will go have coffee with a girlfriend or have a good 2 hour phone conversation with one of my homegirls and that does the trick. Right now I am working on getting a lady cat for this very reason. If you work in a female dominated space maybe you need male energy or conversation.

4. GIVE YOURSELF SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO : I thrive during my weeks when I know I have something planned to be excited about. Purposely plan things during the week outside of school or work to keep your energy flowing. Instead of waiting until Saturday to get your nails done or visit with a friend, do it Tuesday evening. This will break up that robotic schedule you have and keep things fresh. Plan a road trip a month out or a dinner with someone you enjoy so you can have something positive to look forward to. After all, life is about actually living.

5. SAY NO - Stop agreeing to shit you DON’T WANT TO DO. How many times have you made plans with someone and cringed up until the moment its time to follow through ? Or, how many favors have you done that benefitted you in no way and totally inconvenienced you in the end ? Just say no. Saying no used to kill me, but it became easier each time I put myself first. Your off days, your money and your peace of mind belong to YOU.

6. WASH YOUR HAIR - Even though wash day seems like a daunting task, there is something therapeutic about the self groom process. When you are done, you will feel fresh and all around more attractive. If your hair is anything like mine - you will feel like you finished a marathon.

7. DECLUTTER - This is very different from cleaning up. Decluttering is literally throwing things away. Throw away the clothes you don’t wear anymore. Clean your car out and get a carwash. Get rid of all those hair products you don’t use. Sort and get rid of all the mail sitting around ( even though you should have paperless billing ). Freeing space is freeing your mind but I wont get all minimalist on you-yet.

8. DRINK SOME WATER : This is my favorite self care move ! When I start to feel grief or stress creep over my shoulder the first thing I do is drink some water. Troy always tells me that “water is the elixir of life”. - and its true ! How can you feel good if you are thirsty or dehydrated ? One bottle of water instantly makes me feel better about myself.

9. COOK YOURSELF A BOMB MEAL : Throughout the week, how many meals did you actually prepare for yourself and enjoy making? Take some time to cater to yourself and cook exactly what you crave. Soul food is an automatic pick me up. Your body deserves food prepared by your own hands.

10. DO ONE THING AT A TIME : This was one of my New Years resolutions, but also a daily self care tip. A sure way to get yourself overwhelmed is trying to do too many things at once. Slow down and complete tasks one at a time. Life is way more fruitful when you give moments all of your attention. Be present.

"DREAM"

Photography and Creative Direction by Rosebeth Akharamen

BEING THE FIRST FRIEND TO GET PREGNANT - MATERMEA FEATURE

I had the pleasure of being featured on MATER MEA - an informative platform for black mothers to tell their stories, build community, and share resources. The feature topic was advice I’d give to someone who is the first person of their friend group to get pregnant. I wanted to elaborate on this topic more and give more extensive advice. Heres five pointers :

1. Don’t expect people who have never been pregnant before to understand what you need without verbalizing exactly that. People who have not experienced pregnancy do not know how scary or emotional this process is. Some people have experienced pregnancy but its been too long for them to remember the details.

2. Take this time to establish a spiritual connection with your baby, pay attention to their personality traits when they’re moving in your belly. Are they up more in the middle of the night ? How do they react to certain foods you’re eating ? Are they active or chill ?

3. NESTING ! - Busy yourself with creating an ideal space for your baby. Whether you have a room, an apartment or lots of room in a house MAKE IT COZY and personalize. You will be spending so much time here, not leaving much once your baby is born. So make sure you wake up everyday grateful for the interior around you.

4. Focus on your partner or those who are there for you. The most random people became my support system when I was pregnant. My little cousin Kortne who is about 3 years younger than me ended up being the person who checked on me everyday. We became very close at this time. She has a three year old daughter, and she is still someone I can go to when I have questions.

5. Understand that this is all temporary. Just as you are adjusting to being pregnant, people are adjusting to how your relationship with them may change. Now, you can’t go out and drink or be as available as you used to. Also, if you’re the first to get pregnant in your friend group, this may put a little pressure on your friends or make them feel a little behind if they are nowhere near this stage in their lives. Allow that time for distance and if the relationship is strong enough it will prevail.

   To explore MATERMEA & see this feature visit the link http://bit.ly/2MtIWQP

   Visit @matermea Instagram to meet some mama friends.

30 BEFORE 30

Next month, I turn twenty-eight. In general I am pretty excited about getting older. I’m not a woman who is afraid of aging. Honestly I think your twenties are awful, and confusing ! With time I get wiser, calmer and more realistic. By the time you’re thirty you have a sharper concept of time. By thirty I feel I’ll be even more comfortable in my skin. I’ll have more of the life I intended to have. At 28 I am almost there, Im just ready to reap the benefits of the personal and professional work I put in. As my twenties are ending there are some things I’d love to accomplish these last two years. While creating this post I realized how little time I have to make these things happen, but I am determined. Here they are in no particular order.

1. Run a marathon

2. Host a fancy dinner holiday party

3. Travel out of the country

4. Straighten my hair (Its been 8 years)

5. Buy a jeep

6. Design and create my ideal home

7. Get a cat ( female)

8. Write + Publish a book

9. Intimate girls trip in Joshua Tree

10. Take Phoenix to the beach

11. Karaoke

12. Perform spoken word / poetry

13. Be featured in a magazine

14. Learn to make gumbo

15. Take a ceramics class

16. Donate a $1,000 to a non-profit that resonates with my beliefs.

17. Teach high school English & Literature

18. Roadtrip across country for two weeks

19. Go to one of those fancy 5 hour spa days

20. Get a film camera

21. Be debt free

22. Have a nice savings

23. Baecation in San Fran + Oregon (all in one trip)

24. Buy Mac desktop computer

25. Speak on a panel with other black women.

26. Have a wardrobe that I am in love with.

27. Continue minimalism.

28. Curate at least two successful creative projects

29. Travel for New Years

30. Be more knowledgable about books, authors & literature in general

What are some things I can add to my list ?

GENERATIONAL TRAUMA

Generational trauma is a topic that is very sensitive for me. I think the awareness of it has heightened within the black community and its something that needs to be addressed. Now that I have my own child I often think about what he will take from me and pass on to his own children. Generational trauma makes me hyper aware of each decision I make as a mother.

From what I remember I had a great childhood. However, there are a lot of behavioral patterns and mental disorders I am now having to unlearn & break apart 27 years later. Now is a time where us parents have much more modern access to information regarding health and raising our children. This is also a time where old school child-raising methods are now lost and the simpler ways of living have disintegrated. I am painfully caught in the middle. Raising Phoenix, I try to take what was sturdy from my upbringing and mix it with modern practices I’ve picked up since becoming a parent.

Two things I will be sure to ingrain my son :

1. To not be afraid of his feelings. I will always be open to him appropriately expressing himself without shutting him out. My generation of men are all emotionally unavailable because they were raised thinking they had to be STRONG and HARD to be a man. They were raised thinking it wasn’t okay to cry, even as young boys.

2. To follow his own path. My generation was raised to

   • Graduate highschool

   • Pick a college & career path ( at age 18-19)

   • Graduate College/Find a Career with your degree

   • Meet your significant other/Get married (around age 24)

   • Buy a House and have kids (maybe a dog) travel if lucky

   • Die

Literally these are the typical expectations. I will give my son time to figure out who he is. I will allow him to actively explore the opportunities life has presented him with. I will encourage him to travel, for the love of his life could be on the other side of the world. I will assist him in finding his true passion so that he isn’t aimlessly wallowing in depression and self defeat a majority of his twenties.

I will get to know my son for who he grows into. I will not try to vicariously live through him and force my wants onto his life. I will not alienate him. I will place him into the world with the right mental and emotional tools.

Its so easy to get lost in this world. Generationally, we are taught to be “strong” ignore the pain that comes with this life.

I will teach him new strength.

These pictures are of Phoenix and his cousin Kylie. The future.

BABY FREE ART DATE

Anytime Troy and I have time without Phoenix the energy is so peculiar. As soon as we separate from him it feels like a different realm of life. Its too easy getting out of the car freely without having to grab his diaper bag or get his stroller out of the trunk. Its like we miss him but just as equally, we are in disbelief to be free.

During our travel home (Houston) I asked my Granny if she could watch him for the day. I dislike asking for babysitters and have extreme guilt in general about asking for help involving my son. He's only been babysat about five times in his life. I knew Troy and I needed this break and I knew she would say yes !! Being the first time mom that I am, I gave her a lengthy verbal speech about how to babysit him for a day. My granny is overqualified for watching a baby. (The most important part was showing her how to work his Ipad) and we were off !

We went straight to the Menil Collection that day. Art museums are something we’ve enjoyed together since the very beginning of our relationship. I personally am more into tactile, modern, contemporary, African and Asian History art. Troy is open and into most art, he really enjoys Basqiat, Mark Rothko paintings and anything interpretive. I would say the museum is my favorite place to people watch. You see a lot of people on dates, you see parents trying to pre expose their children to art. You see artists themselves. You see a lot of fashion and camera stunting and I love every bit of it.

When we arrived there were people outside picnicking and drinking wine on the Rothko Chapel lawn. We took some pictures outside of the museum before we went in as Menil does not allow pictures. The vibe on the inside does feel really sacred and timeless. We floated in and out of each gallery room taking our time and observing whatever grabbed our attention.

We extended our photoshoot after we left and that was all it took for us to be fulfilled. A two hour date to the museum, just the two of us.

Photos taken at Menil Collection Museum in Houston Texas 12/23/2018